


A Switch In Desire

by Beserk



Series: A Desire [1]
Category: The Boys (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Kid Fic, M/M, Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:41:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 22,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26617606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beserk/pseuds/Beserk
Summary: Becca Butcher is a beautiful woman when she's in the middle of an orgasm, that's for sure.But her husband is even more beautiful, Homelander thinks. And that's a twist he hadn't expected.*In which it isn't Becca Homelander is attracted to at the party...
Relationships: Becca Butcher/Billy Butcher, Becca Butcher/The Homelander | John, Billy Butcher & Ryan Butcher | The Homelander's Son, Billy Butcher/Homelander, Billy Butcher/The Homelander | John
Series: A Desire [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2188638
Comments: 178
Kudos: 604





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文-普通话 國語 available: [【授翻】A Switch In Desire](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26749426) by [kikiokikio](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kikiokikio/pseuds/kikiokikio)



Homelander extracts himself from his conversation with Maeve and the Vought workers diplomatically, and goes over to the glass windows to watch the Butcher couple leave.

He places his gloved hand on the glass, looking down. Becca is taking off her high heeled shoes while she pushes her long brown hair out her eyes, and Billy is taking his suit jacket off. Somehow, the small change in clothing twists and changes them completely, and suddenly Billy and Becca look like a young, happy couple that has just finished playing at being grownups.

Becca hands her shoes to Billy, and he makes an amused comment at being her servant. His wife gives a mock-curtsy and Billy slings his arm around her as they get to their car.

"This was fun, thank you for coming with me," Becca says, clicking her seatbelt into place. "I know this isn't exactly your style of party."

"Not enough pizza for that," Billy replies, in the type of tone that implies a private joke.

Becca laughs, understanding the joke that exists just between the two of them, and plays with the short hairs on Billy's neck as he starts the car and they drive away. Homelander can hear the comfortable silence between them, the way they don't need to speak to understand each other.

"Homelander?" Madelyn comes over, placing a hand on his arm. She's been doing that a lot lately, touching him. He isn't an idiot, he knows what she's trying to do, the connection she's trying to create between them, and he hasn't decided yet what he wants to do with it.

"Hi, do you think it would be ok if I left early, just this once?" Homelander asks, watching the Butcher's car driving away.

Madelyn gives him a searching look and nods, "Of course, you do so much for us. Is everything all right?"

"Yeah, of course," Homelander forces a smile. "What could be wrong?"

Madelyn doesn’t seem convinced, but she doesn't say anything as Homelander leaves.

\---

Becca Butcher is a beautiful woman when she's in the middle of an orgasm, that's for sure.

But her husband is even more beautiful, Homelander thinks. And that's a twist he hadn't expected.

He presses his face against the wall separating him from the Butcher's in their bedroom, where they're gasping and groaning. Billy is laying on the bed, his hands clenching Becca above him. His head is thrown backwards, inches from Homelander's face, nothing between them but cement. He can see his lust-full eyes so easily, the drops of sweat falling down his forehead. Homelander licks his lips.

Billy gasps, moving up to expose his back and ass. Homelander watches the bumps of his spine, the wide expanse of his muscled shoulders, the perfect globes of his ass cheeks. He leans in, pressing himself into the wall, trying to pretend there is nothing between them. He wants to lick the space between them, discover how Billy tastes inside.

"Fuck," Becca groans, and Homelander blinks, having forgotten that she's there. He looks up, watching her throwing her head backwards. She doesn’t look so beautiful anymore.

She's like a stain of coffee on a master-class painting, a scar on perfect skin. Maybe not so bad on its own, but when put around something perfect it becomes nearly unholy in how wrong it is.

The woman moans, and then Billy joins her, and the two collapse on each other. Their heartrate is in synch with each other. They had _come together_. 

_What a perfect couple_ , Homelander thinks bitterly.

They will look even more perfect falling apart.

*

The meeting he has with Becca goes well. He charms and sweet talks her, putting her in charge of all of his social media. Becca is beaming, and he thinks, distantly, that she must look even more beautiful then normal. Happiness usually does that to the mudpeople.

"You know, your husband made an interesting point at the party," He says when their done and he's walking Becca out. "I should probably become a bit more involved in my own social media. I mean, I certainly don't want to be deceptive with my fans. Obviously, I don't have time to post and approve of every post. But we should probably discuss the larger decisions, like once a week or so?"

"Oh, that would wonderful," Becca gushes. "Should we make a time to meet?"

"Yeah, absolutely. When are you free?"

*

"Hey, Becca?"

"Um, yes, who is this?"

"Oh, I never gave you my phone number! That one's on me. It's Homelander-"

"Homelander! Hi, how are you?"

"I'm good, I'm good…But listen, I'm at this orphanage right now, and this young man asked if I could come see him tomorrow as well. I'm afraid the only time I have is during the time we're supposed to meet…"

"We can postpone if you want? Until next week."

"We could. But-tell me if this is completely inappropriate for me to ask- but could you meet on the weekend? I know you probably have enough things to do-"

"No, no, I'll come to Vought Tower. I can come Saturday afternoon?"

"Oh, I would never ask you to come to work. It's just a small meeting. And it takes me only a few minutes to get from place to place. Maybe I can meet you around your place? So you don't have to travel."

"I…I'm sure you wouldn't want to be meet at a café or something. You'll be seen and if people overhear what we're talking about, it wouldn't look good-"

"Yes, of course. It's good I have you, clearly you're the better thinker."

"Tell you what, why don't you just come to my place? We can have all the time in the world to talk."

"I wouldn't want to intrude on you and your husband, Becca."

"It's fine, I promise! Billy won't mind, I'm sure, and it really would be much easier for me then to come to Vought. So, why don't you come at around two? I should be back from the synagogue by then."

"Sounds wonderful. Thank you again, Becca, and I'm so sorry for the hassle. See you on Saturday."

"See you then."

*

Billy Butcher isn't wearing a shirt when he opens the door. So, naturally, Homelander's mind short-circlets.

"Oh," Is the very articulate word that comes out of his mouth.

The CIA agent looks Homelander over and says, "I ain't goin' to lie, you look bloody weird without your suit."

Homelander definitely _feels_ weird without his suit. It's been years since he went anywhere without it. He's not sure why he had put on a pair of jeans and a white T-shirt for this, he had just felt like doing it, and he wasn't used to fighting his desires. But he really can't care less right now what he's wearing, because Billy _isn’t wearing a shirt_.

"Um," He says, which is also very articulate.

Billy swings the door open and motions Homelander into his apartment. As Homelander walks in, breathing the smells of Billy (and Becca), of a sweet honey cake cooling on the counter, of paper spread on the coffee table. He watches Billy pick up a black shirt from the living room sofa and push it over his broad chest, hiding it.

"Thought Becca told you to come at two?" Billy asks, collapsing on the sofa chair and placing his arms on its sides. He looks up at Homelander with an expectant look, making him look…almost regal. It's disconcerting. It makes Homelander want to get down on his knees and-

Homelander slaps the back of his head internally. He needs to focus. Plastering a sheepish smile on his face, he says, "Two. Crap. That one's on me, I thought twelve for some reason. I can leave and go back-"

"Don't be bloody daft," Billy snorts and points at the sofa with his chin. "Becca ain't never gonna forgive me if I send you back out."

"She wants to make a good impression on me, huh?" Homelander sits down. He feels the warmth under his flesh-Billy must have sat here recently.

( _Or Becca_ , his mind points out.

He ignores his mind.)

"'Course, needs your favor to move upwards at Vought."

Homelander stares at him, "Has anybody ever told you you're brutely honest? Like maybe just a little too honest?"

"Aye. Me mum told me I need to be more of an arse-licker."

_Yes, we'll try that later._

"Well I suppose it worked for you. Becca tells me you’re a CIA agent?"

Billy nods, and, with prompting, tells Homelander stories of his work. It's fascinating, and the way Billy tells his tales make it clear that he's downplaying his contribution to the successful outcomes. Homelander finds himself leaning forward, barely breathing in fear of missing a single world. He'd come to be alone with Billy, to see if doing that would make him less obsessed with the man. If it would make it easier for him to stop jerking off every night to the memory of Billy lost in the haze of pleasure, the sound he made when he came and how perfect his body was when he pounded into Becca.

He can tell that that won't happen.

When the door opens and Becca comes in, Homelander feels like someone has poured a bucket of ice water over him. He watches as she comes up to kiss Billy's head, and shakes Homelander's hand. And while they sit and have their meeting, one thought echoes over and over in his mind.

_I have never hated anyone as much as I hate you._


	2. Chapter 2

The next two months go by in a blink of the eye. One moment Homelander is saying goodbye to the Butchers on that first Saturday, and the next it's two months later.

It's probably because there are only a few hours a week that matter, and the rest is a hazy dream that exists just so he can have things to tell Billy about.

When that first Saturday meeting is over, Homelander carefully leads Becca towards the idea that having all their meetings like this would be better. Becca is surprisingly easy to sway, and as Homelander tries to think of a way he can plausibly come early again, Billy, who's watching a soccer game, says without turning away from the screen, "Come at twelve again, aye? It's bloody boring here without Becky."

Homelander's heart thumps in his chest so hard he almost misses Becca's laughter and her joking about how Billy feels left behind by all his friends who are having kids and don't have enough time for him.

The next week he gets there at exactly twelve, and watches a game of water polo with Billy. It's one of the strangest and stupidest-looking games he's ever seen, but one of Billy's friends back home in London is on the British team, and Billy insists on watching the whole game to cheer his friend on. When it's over and his friend's team has won, he jumps up in excitement and grins at Homelander, eyes sparkling with excitement.

That's probably the moment Homelander starts judging how his week has gone by how good his time with Billy was. The week after that they play cards and Homelander wins and gets an impressed smirk in response, so that's a good week. But then, next time, Billy is called in to work and leaves, and Homelander loses nearly an hour of their time together, so that's a bad week.

Then there's a good week because he comes earlier than normal and they have brunch together, and then a bad one because Billy is in a bad mood due to a case he couldn't solve, and Homelander wants to hug him but can't, then another bad one because Billy is planning his anniversary with Becca and spends all the time gushing about how wonderful Becca is and Homelander can't ignore how much he loves his wife.

The next week is very good. So good, in fact, that Homelander almost forgets his anger over the anniversary weekend. Billy finds out Homelander has never been to a bar, and apparently that's so horrifying that he orders Homelander to meet him that night, with a hat and as simple clothing as he can find so he's not recognized, and they go out drinking.

This is very good, because not only does he get many more hours with Billy then normal, he also gets a drunk Billy. And when Billy is drunk, he's touchy. About an hour after they start drinking, when Billy isn't really fully drunk yet, just buzzed, places his hand on Homelander's hair and ruffles it.

Homelander freezes, every nerve in his body stilling. It's the first time Billy has touched him (when he shook his hand at the party it hadn’t counted, Homelander had had gloves on). He has never felt anything as strongly as he feels those fingers.

"You're a good mate," Billy mumbles.

"Thanks," Homelander replies as Billy throws himself down on the table, hugging it. "I'm going to get another drink, do you want-?"

"Yes," Billy raises his head for a moment to say and then collapses down on the table, clearly preparing to get drunk.

Homelander gets another two cocktails, and a shot of vodka. He dunks the vodka into Billy's drink, which Billy chugs down. He makes a face that implies he realizes there's a bit more alcohol in the drink then there should be, but doesn’t ask.

By the end of the night, when they leave the bar, Billy's stumbling and needs to lean on Homelander so he doesn’t fall down. He probably doesn’t need it, but Homelander wraps his arm around Billy middle to keep him close.

Billy is warm and solid against him, his body buzzing with life. Homelander has to hold himself back from hugging Billy close to him, so there isn't an inch between them.

They get to Billy's apartment far to quickly, and Homelander is forced to watch as Becca accepts Billy into her arms, saying, "Thank you so much for getting him home. I'm sorry if he got to drunk. Come on, Billy, let's get you into bed."

"Love," Billy mumbles as he lets go of Homelander and attaches himself to Becca instead. "Hello there gorgeous."

 _Gorgeous_. He'd called her that at the party as well.

"Hello, darling," Becca sighs, fond and exasperated. She smiles at Homelander and then closes the door.

Homelander watches through the walls as Becca leads Billy to bed, both of them laughing and smiling at one another. He's left with the uncomfortable realization that no matter how close he can get to Billy, he will always belong to his wife. It's Becca he will return to at the end of the night.

The next week he seriously starts to think about killing Becca. They're sitting on the sofa, and Billy is listening to a story Homelander tells him about these two children he had saved form a fire. All of Billy's attention is on him, had been for hours now, and its like the sun is shining just for him.

And then the door opens, Becca's voice and smell overtake the apartment and Billy suddenly isn't looking at Homelander, isn't listening to him anymore. Becca has stolen him away.

She needs to go.

He spends the next two weeks trying to think about a way to do it without Madelyn becoming suspicious. But then he sees Becca at Vought Tower and freezes in his tracks. As Becca walks by, Homelander hears that she's not alone. There's a second heartbeat inside of her. A new heartbeat, so small it's barely there, only a few days old.

She's pregnant.

*

At first, he thinks this just means it's even more important to kill Becca as quickly as possible. This is another connection between the two of them, probably stronger than any of the others they share. This is a _human_ , made of a mixture of Billy and Becca. He can't think of anything that could provide a _closer_ connection.

He wants that child _dead_.

But. He can't. The child might be half Becca, a tangible sign of hers and Billy's love. But it's also half _Billy_. It's _Billy's_ child and Homelander can't stand the thought of hurting anything of Billy's (except his wife, of course).

Homelander groans, pressing his hand to his forehead. So, Becca needs to live. He needs to stand her presence for another nine months (maybe he can make it eight. The kid should be fine if he gets it out at eight months, no?).

And these months will probably be even harder. Homelander knows exactly how Billy will act. He will pamper Becca and hover over her, afraid for her and his unborn child. He will have less attention and time for Homelander. He will give all his brain power to his cunt.

All that would probably get even worse when the child comes. Homelander will have to fight with Becca _and_ a baby for Billy's attention. He can't fight with two people. He can barely hold himself back from killing the one he's competing with right now.

One of them will need to go, that's clear. Becca or the baby. The baby will be louder, and will probably need much more help to survive (babies are really pointless-Homelander was never like that when he was born. He could survive for days without feeding. He knows, he remembers). But the baby will be part Billy so Homelander can't imagine how he could hate it as much as he hates Becca.

Yeah. Becca will have to go. Just as soon as the baby comes.

*

Billy's reaction to the news is exactly what Homelander expected it to be. He's excited and nervous in equal measure, and his touches and voice with Becca suddenly become much softer and gentler. It's almost impossible for Homelander to watch. His hatred of Becca is growing every week, becoming larger and larger as her belly grows. That's expected as well.

One thing that Homelander had not expected is how frightened Billy is. He confides in Homelander one Saturday, while he's nursing a beer, that his own father had disappeared when he was five, only to come back a few years later and steal Billy away from his mother.

Billy doesn't say what his father did with him once he took him, but it's clear to Homelander that his life…did not improve after that change in guardianship. That becomes even clearer when Billy tells him that his father was imprisoned when Billy was thirteen, for murder and the kidnapping of his own son.

"I ain't got no idea what to do with a bloody child," Billy says, fingers tightening on the bottle. "Wouldn't it be better without me?"

"No," Homelander replies without thinking about it at all. "You'll be wonderful father; any child would be lucky to have you."

_I wish you were my father._

Billy smiles a bit at that, and steers the conversation to a different topic. Homelander thinks he made him feel a bit better, and he's not sure he's ever done anything more important in his life.

Homelander looks inside of Becca to follow the child's development, almost every time he sees her. He learns quickly that it's a son. He's the only one who knows about that since Becca and Billy want to keep the baby's gender as a surprise. It makes him feel powerful, that he knows something about Billy's child that Billy himself doesn’t, something the baby's family is not aware of. That's a connection he has with the baby, and he wants a connection with this child of Billy's own flesh and blood.

Homelander watches the growth of the child, waiting for him to become strong enough to survive outside of the cunt carrying him. Every week he hopes will be the week he can justify taking him out, until finally that day comes.

*

When Becca is eight months pregnant, Homelander stands above her sleeping body and looks at Billy's son inside of her. He's small, sure, but everything inside him is more or less developed. He'll need a bit of extra help for a bit, but he should be fine to come out.

Homelander smiles to himself. Billy has gone to London to visit his aunt, who he's been trying to convince to move to New York so he can keep an eye on her, and he won't be back for another three days. There is no chance of him interfering in this.

Becca's eyes fly open as Homelander clamps his hand over her mouth. She stares at him for a moment, her sleep-addled mind trying to figure out what is happening, and then her hands go to rest on her stomach, protectively.

God, he hates her so fucking much.

"I'm not going to hurt Billy's son," Homelander sneers, allowing his face to show everything he's hidden for months, all his hatred, all his fury at her mere existence and the hold she has on Billy, who, if things were right with the world, would be _Homelander's_.

He takes his hand off her hand, safe in the knowledge that, at least right now, she's too afraid to speak.

"You're going to keep quiet," Homelander tells her as he pulls the sheets off, exposing her body. "Very quiet."

Becca opens her mouth, but manages to stop herself from uttering a sound. Homelander sighs.

"If you have a question, go right ahead."

"W-what do you want? Why are you here, what's going on-"

Homelander puts his hand back over Becca's mouth for a moment before taking it away.

"I said you could ask a _question_ , not seventy," He says, reaching down to her pants. "But to answer what I _think_ you were trying to get at-we're going to get Billy's son out of you."

Becca grows so pale that her skin looks like milk, and then starts begging, "No please, please don't do this, why would you want to od that? Please, the baby's not ready yet-"

"He's fine," Homelander replies, and shoves Becca's pants down.

"Oh, God, oh please don’t-"

"Just shut up, would you?" Homelander grabs the bed's headboard and pushes inside of Becca.

She screams, she feels disgusting around his cock. He's finding it difficult to stay hard, and has to close his eyes and imagine it's Billy he's inside of instead. Becca isn't helping as she claws at his arms, breaking her nails on his impregnable skin.

He pounds deeply into her, and as she starts to bleed the boy stirs in her, noticing that something is wrong. Homelander pushes down on Becca's stomach, moving the boy further down. She's still screaming but the sound is so nice he can't bring himself to make her stop. In the neighboring apartment, the old couple living there look up and frown.

"Did you hear that, dear?" The man asks, and then Becca's screech makes both of them jump up.

Fuck. He doesn’t have much time.

Things are moving now, he can feel the boy start to move down, losing space as Homelander pushes on the stomach that has been the only home he knows.

"Time to come out," Homelander whispers as the old couple bangs on the one of the other doors on the hallway to get the attention of the body builder living there. That one will be able to smash the door open. He increases the pressure on Becca's stomach. "Your daddy has been waiting to meet you."

He scans the body builder's apartment, noting that the man isn’t there. The old couple will need to call the police now. That should give Homelander the time he needs.

The delivery seems to have started, so he decides to leave the boy to come out, and instead turns his attention to Becca. He's going to hurt her now.

Unfortunately, he needs to hold himself back, to hit her with the kind of strength a mudperson would have. He punches her face, over and over. She screams, gasping for breath, and Homelander hits her stomach, careful not to land any punches on the baby. He grabs her neck to pound her against the wall, making her whole body shake. He can feel it in his dick, still buried inside her, and he's finally growing fully hard.

He loses track of time for a while in the haze of his pleasure, and the next thing he's aware of, there are two cops banging on the door, a baby's cry echoing in the room, Becca breathing her last, and he's about to come.

He flies away a few moments before the police burst in, and jerks himself off as he watches her die.


	3. Chapter 3

Homelander misses the moment where Billy meets his son. He's busy trying to 'find' the man who attacked Becca. He's already got a scapegoat ready to go, knowing full well that Billy wouldn't rest until he had his revenge.

The man he's decided to pin Becca's attack on has just been let out of prison for a rape of a pregnant woman he committed twenty-seven years ago. Homelander had made sure to leave strands of Becca's hair on one of the man's shirts, and his cigarette buds on the Butcher's apartment building's roof.

Since Billy is a CIA agent and will need air-tight proof, he also rapes a second pregnant woman, leaving a few drops of the man's semen inside of her. He kills that woman, and her baby inside of her.

That should be enough. Now it's just a matter of waiting for the police to do their jobs and arrest the man. He thinks he's given the idiots enough bread crumbs that they don't need his help following the trail he left for them. He's got more important things to do.

Homelander goes to the hospital where Billy's son is being taken care of, dressed in his civilian clothes, and keeps his eyes on the floor to avoid eye contact with anyone. Not that he's ever been recognized (Billy claims it's because humans don't want to see him in everyday, mundane circumstances, and he's starting to think the man might be right), but it's better to be safe than sorry.

Today it isn't enough, apparently, since as he walks into the maternity ward, he hears Madelyn's confused voice call out to him.

"Homelander?"

He groans inwardly and looks up with a smile, "Madelyn, hi."

"What are you doing here?"

"What do you mean?" Homelander frowns. "What are _you_ doing here? I assume you're here to see Becca Butcher's family."

"Yes," Madelyn is looking at him suspiciously, not even trying to hide it. "I know you were close to her, this must be so difficult for you."

Homelander sighs, "It is. She's-she _was_ , God this is awful-a wonderful woman. I can't even imagine how Billy is feeling. Losing his wife like this…no one deserves to have this happen to them, of course, but she was such a kind person. And their poor son."

The suspicion doesn't go away, but he can tell that she's satisfied that he will put on a good show for the cameras when asked. She'll be keeping a close eye on him, he can tell. He's going to need to be careful.

"Vought is going to give Butcher a settlement for his son's college fund," Madelyn says. "It's the least we can do. I just told him."

Homelander snorts, he can imagine how Billy reacted to that.

"I'm going to see him," Homelander says.

Madelyn nodded, watching him go. He can feel her eyes on him, and knows they probably won't be turning away any time soon.

*

The door to the hospital room is half open, and Homelander peers in. Billy is sitting next to the baby crib, holding his tiny son in his hands. The baby is swaddled in a blue knitted blanket, his tiny hands holding on to one of Billy's fingers. His eyes are closed, and he's breathing softly. Billy is looking down at his son, carefully caressing his winkled forehead.

Billy has shadows under his eyes, and there's a ghost of stubble on his face. He's still dressed in the clothes he wore on the plane back from London- Homelander can smell the airport- and he needs a shower.

Homelander knocks on the door carefully, then walks in and closes it behind him without waiting for a response. Billy doesn't look up as Homelander takes a chair and sits down next to him, barely seems to notice his presence. Slowly, giving Billy enough time to move away if he wants to, Homelander places his hand on the back of Billy's neck, rubbing his thumb over the short hairs there.

"I'm so sorry," He says, honest as he looks at the pain illuminated in Billy's eyes. _I'm sorry you have to suffer like this, I promise it will be worth it in the end._

"The docs say the cunt that did this nearly hit Ryan," Billy croaks out, swallowing as the baby tightens his hold on his finger. "They say he could have died as well, easily. They say I'm bloody _lucky_."

The bitterness is just _oozing_ out of him.

"Ryan," Homelander looks down at the pink baby. "Is that his name?"

Billy nods, moving into Homelander's touch seemingly unconsciously, "We chose it. Ryan Ezra Butcher. I…me dad was named Ryan. Becca insisted, said it's important not to ignore our past."

"Hello there, Ryan," Homelander murmurs, touching Ryan's forehead, his finger brushing against Billy's. "Welcome to the world."

"He needs his mum," Billy says as a tear lands on Ryan's blanket. "Becca's mum and sister just left. I should give him to them-"

"What? No, that's ridiculous," Homelander says, appalled. Becca's family can't have _Billy's son_. "He's your son, he needs _you_."

"Dunno if I can give him what he needs," Billy whispers, but his hold on Ryan tightens, just the thought of abandoning his son making him anxious. "And I should do what's good for him, no?"

"You'll be good for him," Homelander argues. "Becca's family can help."

Billy shakes his head.

"And I'll help you," Homelander says, "I'll help you as much as you need. But a boy…a boy needs his father. So you have to keep him."

He watches as Billy clutches his son, and then the man breathes out deeply, "I ain't stayin' in the apartment. Ain't bringin' me son to where…"

He chokes up.

"I think that's a good idea," Homelander said, perking up at the thought of Billy not returning to the place where Becca's ghost is likely to loom. "I'm sure Vought would be happy to help you find another place at short notice. They have a lot of apartment buildings that they own for their employees, you wouldn't be the first widowed spouse to live there. I can help you with that. You know my position at Vought can…grease some wheels."

Billy hesitates, clearly not a fan of accepting help. Vought's apartments are much too nice for Billy to afford without the large subsidies Vought gives its workers (Vought likes having their people close by, since a lot of their children are used as guineapigs for the-so far unsuccessful-attempts to improve Compound V), which is the sort of thing Billy would be very opposed to. But he also knows that on his CIA salary he can't afford a large enough apartment for him and the boy.

He and Becca had planned to stay in their apartment for the first few months of their child's life, so they hadn't even started to look for another place. All Billy has is the apartment where his wife died, and the option of living in a Vought building.

Homelander isn't very surprised when Billy says, "All right. You can do that, then."

He isn't surprised, but he's _very_ pleased, and it's hard to hold back his excitement. He's going to find a place for Billy, it's going to give him _so much_ power. He gets to choose where Billy _lives._

This is going so well.

*

Over the next few days, Homelander barely leaves Billy's side. The only times he does are when he checks apartments out, and when he does the bare minimum of his job to keep Stillwell off his back.

The hospital room where Ryan is kept seems to have a revolving door, and Homelander realizes for the first time how large Billy's support system is. Becca's mother and sister come every day, and their visits are terrible- they act so much like Becca it's impossible to forget who they are. But there are many other people: Becca has a large number of friends, and her Vought coworkers (she seems to have been pretty popular at work), and Billy has his own co-workers as well, and his boss Raynor who tells him he can take up to a year off if he wants to, and his friends.

And he's got a lot of them.

A _lot._

Them Homelander hates the most. Yes, even more then Becca's family. They come day after day, bringing their wives and children, who jump excitedly on their 'Uncle Billy' and peer down at Ryan. They make the usually silent and morbid mood lift from the room, suddenly making it brim with life.

Billy perks up a bit when his friends come. He smiles at their children, showing Ryan off, and accepts his friends' hugs and lessons in child-rearing. He needs them, and there are so _many_ of them. If Homelander disappeared from Billy's life, he's sure that Billy would be sad, but his life wouldn't stop like it has with the loss of Becca. He has many other friends to take Homelander's place. Homelander doesn’t know how to fight this.

In the nights, all the visitors leave. And then it's Billy, Homelander and Ryan. Billy lays on the bed with Ryan, curled around the baby, and Homelander says his goodbyes and leaves.

He waits until he hears Billy's breathing evening out, and then he foes back into the room and spends the night watching Billy sleep, staying close to the window so he can fly out the moment Ryan starts to stir, which always heralds Billy waking up a few moments before Ryan can work himself into a fit of crying (Homelander has no idea how Billy does it, it's uncanny).

He's never watched Billy sleep before-Billy has slept with Becca, and Homelander wouldn't enjoy watching him hug her in his sleep. Now, though, watching Billy sleep is one of his favorite things. He can stare at him for hours and Billy wouldn't know. And Billy looks so sweet and beautiful when he sleep.

*

Homelander goes to see around twenty apartments before he finds one that he thinks would be good enough for Billy. It's located a few weeks away from Vought Tower, so while Homelander is at work he can easily see what's going on with Billy. It's on the top of the hundred-story building, which means it has an enormous balcony and is right next to the building's gym and pool.

The building also has a few daycares, one for babies where Homelander is hoping he can convince Billy to place Ryan so they came have some time without the child (who cries a lot).

The apartment itself is spacious and full of natural light. There are three bedrooms, as well as a den, one of which Homelander has made into a guest room. He's going to need a place to stay until he can convince Billy to let him into his bed.

He leaves the Vought workers to prepare Ryan's room, but has quite a bit of important specifications for Billy's bedroom and the kitchen and living room area. He needs to make sure it's perfect for Billy and suits his own likes as well.

He also makes sure to take a key to both the building and the apartment.

*

"Morning," Homelander says as he walks into the hospital room.

Happily, no one else has come yet. Billy and Ryan are alone in the room, the baby laying in his crib while Billy sits by the window, looking out with a closed-off look. Homelander gives Ryan a quick look and then walks over to his father.

"Billy? You ok?" He squats down next to Billy.

Billy doesn’t respond. He does that sometimes, looking into the distance and drowning in his own misery and pain. When he comes out of it, he often looks like he's about to cry. Not that he does, though. Billy hasn't cried in days.

"Billy…" Homelander snaps his fingers in front of Billy's face. "William Fredrick Butcher, wake the fuck up."

"I'm bloody awake, you daft arse," Billy replies, voice coarse. He takes a shuttering breath and tries to smile. "You able to sleep with your eyes open? 'Cause that might be because you're a freak. Most humans ain't able to do that."

"Ha, ha, very amusing," Homelander says dryly. "Come on, I brought breakfast. You should eat."

"Bloody hell, you think you're me mum?" Billy complains, but he gets up and joins Homelander at the tiny little table. He accepts the Ceaser salad and black coffee with another dry comment about Homelander 'mumming' him.

"You don't eat healthy enough," Homelander tells him. He really doesn't, it's not healthy.

"Aye, Becca tells me-" He stops himself, and blinks.

He still makes that mistake a lot. It's been ten days.

"Well," Homelander says quietly. "You should listen, then."

Billy smiles sadly, and stabs the salad with his fork. Before he can take a bite, the phone laying on his bed starts buzzing. Billy looks up at the ceiling as if begging for strength and puts the fork down to get the phone before it can bother Ryan.

"Hello?"

"Agent Butcher?" The voice coming form the phone is calm and feminine.

"Aye," Billy sits on the bed, reaching to clutch Ryan's crib automatically.

"My name is Jemima, I'm a detective with the NYPD. I have some information about your wife's murder. We believe we have a suspect."

Billy closes his eyes, and takes Ryan out of the crib to hold him close.

"Who is it?" Homelander is impressed by how calm his voice is while he looks so much like he's about to fall apart.

"His name is Lucas McMurphy, he's just been let out of prison. There is something important you need to know. We discovered the connection to your wife while investigating the case of another pregnant woman who was murdered in a similar fashion. Only her daughter…she did not survive."

"Fuckin' hell," Billy whispers, closes the phone and collapses over Ryan.

He's crying now.

"Billy," Homelander whispers. He goes to the bed and gathers Billy into his arms. He feels Billy's sobs and sees Ryan start to sniffle, sensing his father's bad mood. "This is good, you're going to get your revenge."

"He killed the basin. Ryan-"

"Ryan is fine."

"But could have-"

"But he's fine. He's safe and no one will ever hurt him."

But Billy keeps crying.

*

When Ryan is twenty days old, the doctors release him and Homelander takes Billy and his son home.

The Vought workers have had enough time to bring all of Billy's things to the new place (he's made sure they store away all of Becca's belonging), so it doesn't feel as empty as it did the first time Homelander saw it, but it doesn’t feel quite like a home yet.

Billy blinks around the place, Ryan parked in his car seat in the middle of the living room, and says, "Bloody hell. The fuck is this?"

"An…apartment?" Homelander asks dryly as he goes to put the six pack of beer that Billy had demanded Homelander stop on the way to the apartment to get in the fridge.

"It's a fuckin' huge _cunt_ of an apartment," Billy replies.

"It's not that big," Homelander says, closing the fridge. "My place is around twice the size."

"Bloody posh git," Billy mumbles. "Hand me a beer."

Homelander rolls his eyes and opens the fridge again.

They sit on the leather sofa, and Homelander watches silently as Billy drinks two bottles of beer before standing up to get a third one. Ryan is still laying peacefully in his seat, but if he starts fussing and Billy's too drunk to deal with him-well, Homelander will probably just let him cry.

A drunk Billy is worth dealing with the annoying crying.

Billy reaches the fridge and takes the rest of the beer out. He chugs one of them down and cradles the forth one in his hands, looking dazed. He isn't quite drunk yet, just buzzed.

Homelander goes over to Billy and places a hand on his back, feeling the thumping of his heart and the warmth of his flesh as Billy tightens his hold on the beer.

"There's goin' to be a trial," Billy says quietly. "I asked Rayner to talk to the cunt, but she ain't lettin' me. He won't confess, so there's goin' to be a trial."

"It will be a while before the trial happens," Homelander replies, rubbing circles on Billy's back. "You don't have to think about it for a long time. He's not going to be given bail, not with all the evidence against him."

"I want him dead," Billy sneers, "He don't deserve to _breath_."

"Billy, he's going to get what he deserves, you don't have to worry about him anymore, he's not important," Homelander moves his hand up, caressing Billy's neck and his right ear lobe. "Focus on what's in front of you."

Blinking, Billy turns to him, and scans his face carefully, and then he moves forward slowly. Homelander can smell the beer on his breath, see his slightly blown out eyes.

Then the screeching erupts.

Billy clears his throat and leaves Homelander standing alone.

"Oi, lad, what's wrong? You all right there? Come on, let's get you some food…"

*

Madelyn is waiting for him in his apartment. It's nearly one in the morning, Homelander is impressed by her dedication.

Also a bit taken aback when he realizes that he never took Madelyn's key back.

"Madelyn," He says with a smile, peeling his sweat off with mild disgust. Ryan had vomited on it a bit, and even though Billy had tossed it in the washing machine it still smells a bit like it, at least to his hyper sensitive nose. Homelander had known that was a risk when he told Billy he would burp the kid, but Billy had looked so tired and his smile was so bright when Homelander had taken the crying baby…he couldn't bring himself to regret his decision. "What bring you here so late?"

"I thought we should talk," Madelyn folds one leg over the other. She's wearing a tight dress that exposes more or less the entire length of her legs.

Homelander inwardly groans. It's going to be one of _those_ conversations. "Of course, I'm always happy to see you."

Madelyn smiles, "I feel like we've barely spent any time together the past few weeks."

Ah. There it is.

Homelander quickly considers his options, deciding that telling the truth (or at least some of it) is the best way to go. He doesn’t want to have to hide who he's visiting-it wouldn't work for long, and then Madelyn will be even more suspicious.

He just needs to find a way to make Madelyn believe that his friendship with Billy is all he's looking for. She needs to believe he wouldn't care fi that would be taken away.

That's the only way he'll get to keep it.

So he shrugs and tells Madelyn about meeting Becca at her apartment and how he and Billy became close. He tells her about finding out Becca was attacked and later helping Billy find a new place.

Madelyn raises an eyebrow, "That was very kind of you."

Homelander grits his teeth, "You sound so shocked. He's my friend, I wanted to have him close."

Accidently, he's said the exact right thing, and Madelyn relaxes slightly.

"I'm glad you've found a friend," She says, a plastered smile on her face. "What about his baby, they can be-"

"The baby isn't the best part," Homelander says, continuing with his honesty. "When he cries so much sometimes you just want to rip his tongue out. He's very soft, though, it's fun to hold him when he's quiet."

That makes Madelyn flinch slightly, but she hides it well. Homelander only sees it because he knows her so well.

"Becca was killed," Madelyn says quietly, and Homelander allows himself to give her an angry glare.

"I know. Are you insinuating something?"

Madelyn smiles gently, "We can take care of anything, together."

She gets up and places a warm hand on Homelander's shoulder. It's the first time she's ever touched him outside of his suit. It feels too close, too intimate, and he feels the urge to shove her away.

"If you did anything, in the heat of the moment…"Madelyn leans down and takes her hand off his shoulder. He almost breathes out in relief. "I'd understand. These things happen. No one has control all the time-"

"Madelyn," Homelander snaps, allowing some of his anger to leak out. "I didn't kill Becca. She was _pregnant_ , the other woman killed by the same man lost her baby."

"I-"

"If I was going to kill Becca, I would wait until she'd given birth."

The thing is, Homelander knows that Madelyn underestimates him, had all of the ten years he's been in the Seven. She's forgotten that he was raised by _Jonah Vogelbaum_ , meaning his education had been complete with enough mind simulation to make sure he was made into even more of a genius then his genes made him.

He knows the functioning of a pregnant woman's body well enough to kill her while avoiding her child.

But Madelyn would never believe that.

To be honest, he'd started to notice his mind atrophying quite a bit over the years. Working at Vought meant not having to make any important decisions and having Madelyn often treat him like a child meant there was no reason to use his mind. A few more years like that and he suspected he would end up becoming the idiotic child in a grown man's body he was so often treated as.

Yet another reason to be glad for Billy. Billy forces him to _think_. He needs intelligence in his friends or he finds no interest in them. Billy is also incredibly intelligent, but the only thing stopping people from knowing how intelligent _he_ is would be prejudice against his accent. Because Billy sure as hell doesn’t try to hide it.

Thinking of Billy makes Homelander miss him desperately, so he flicks his eyes over to the direction of Billy's place.

The black-haired man is in the den, walking around and rocking Ryan, who's sniffling like he's just finished crying, and Homelander doesn’t think he's ever hated him so much as he does at that moment. Probably because he's obscuring Billy's _shirtless chest._

Why is Billy without his shirt? It's the middle of the night, isn't he cold? Why is he shirtless now and not earlier when Homelander was over?

Madelyn clears her throat, "I'm glad."

She believed him. God, she's easy to manipulate. It's almost boring sometimes.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning for a bit of trnaspohbia because Homelander is a dick.

The next morning, Homelander goes back to Billy's place, finding Becca's family already there. Billy had revealed Homelander's identity to them a few days again. He'd told Homelander, later, that since he and the Saunders were the ones around him most, there was no way to keep his secret.

The Saunders hadn't seemed to care much, distracted by mourning Becca and celebrating Ryan. It's annoying, but he needs to make sure to stay on their good side, given how close Billy is to them, how important he views their presence in Ryan's life.

While Billy and Becca's mother are putting up the paintings Becca's mother brought for the new place, Homelander peers into Ryan's room. Becca's sister is in there, placing pictures above the baby crib (Ryan isn't in there, he's strapped to Billy's chest). He looks at the three pictures: the one in the middle shows Becca and Billy at their wedding, the one at the right is of Becca's mother and a smiling man that Homelander assumes is Becca's dad.

The picture on the right is of a couple's face in front of a grey and blurry background that Homelander can't quite make out. The couple consists of a tall, stern looking man with old fashioned glasses, a hand on the shoulder of a woman with long brown hair swiped behind her ear.

He motions to the picture when Becca's sister smiles at him, and asks, "Who are those? Billy's parents?"

"Yeah," The woman nods. "He doesn’t talk about them a lot…"

The picture must have been taken years ago, since the woman can't be older than mid-thirties.

"I don't think I've ever heard him talk about his mother," Homelander says, trying for a tone of a man seeking a confidante. "Will she be coming?"

"Oh, no…no, she's dead," Becca's sister says. "She died when Billy was a teen. He was raised by his aunt after that."

"That's a shame," Homelander replies, steering the conversation away.

*

Moving away from the hospital doesn't, of course, get rid of Billy's extensive support system. It does make their visits a bit more structured, though.

The Vought part of town is relatively close to Billy's place of work (Homelander is a hundred percent sure that it's not coincidence that Vought place itself so close to the CIA headquarters), and a lot of Becca's friends also work at Vought, a lot of both of their sets of friends live close. Now that Ryan is at home, they start scheduling playdates with their kids and babies: this family meets Billy on Sunday at ten, this friend goes with Billy on runs in the morning with their respective babies in strollers, and one of Becca's friends takes Billy and Ryan to mommy-and-me classes.

Whenever Homelander checks up on Billy during those classes, he always looks shell-shocked.

Becca's family live fairly far away, and both her sister and mother work full time, so they can only come twice a week to see Ryan. On Sunday they come together and spend most of the day with the Butchers.

They win quite a few points in Homelander's eyes, he has to be honest about that, by almost always taking Ryan on hours long walks in the park, giving Homelander time alone with Billy.

So now that he has a schedule, Homelander knows exactly when he should come to the apartment. It means that he gets much more time alone with the Butchers then he did when they were in the hospital.

*

Homelander starts to think it's time for him to break up things with Maeve. H's finding it harder to hold back his disgust of her when they touch and kiss in public. Not just because all he wants to do it touch Billy, but also because he now knows that all _she_ wants to do is touch _Elena_.

He had started noticing how uncomfortable Maeve gets when touching him (he could see the signs in her easier when he was experiencing them as well) so he trailed her one day after they were done stopping a mass-shooting and saw her meet her _secret girlfriend_.

So _that's_ a reason to get out of their relationship.

There's another, probably even more important reason. Usurpingly, that reason is Billy.

Most of Homelander's decisions nowhere days are related to Billy.

Billy, naturally, knows all about the very famous pairing of Homelander and Queen Maeve. He makes some teasing jokes about it when the couple comes up on TV. He thinks Homelander is taken.

That's not good.

One day, Billy makes one of these jokes while playing peek-a-boo while Ryan, who's cracking up like it's the funniest thing he's seen in his entire life. He's definitely more entertaining now that he's gotten bigger, but at three months he's also less of a thing and more of a person. He likes being held over the shoulder and hates being cradled in two arms. He likes the sound of a tongue clucking and hates the sound of whistling.

Sometimes he cries for no clear reason and Billy is the only one who can calm him down.

Billy's relationship with the baby has changed as well. He clearly loved him from the moment he was born, but now he loves him with a passion Homelander has never seen in his life. He's growing more and more frustrated by Ryan, but at this point killing Ryan would destroy Billy in a way that killing Becca couldn't.

It's probably that realization, combined with the anger of having Billy's attention on the baby, that makes Homelander snap out, "She's not. It's not real."

Billy frowns and finally looks away from Ryan, "What?"

"It's for PR," Homelander explains. "We're not together-well, we used to fuck. But not anymore."

"So, it's all a bloody lie?" Billy rolls his eyes.

"Do you have a problem with that?" Homelander demands.

"Aye," Billy says, locking eyes with Homelander.

Well, no one ever said Billy isn't honest.

*

According to the schedule of visitors, on Tuesday, Billy's friend Alec is supposed to leave by noon. So Homelander gets there at noon, and but Alec and his twin babies are still there. So Homelander enters through the window in Billy's bedroom and leans against the door.

"-do you mean you're not coming? Of course you are!" Alec is saying. He's got a very different accent then Billy's, despite the fact that they apparently both grew up in London.

"Ah, nah," Billy shakes his head as Ryan lays next to him and the two babies crawl all around him. He looks like the God of Babies and Parenthood. "I _never_ go, why the bloody hell would you think I'd go this year?"

"It's the babies first Pride. You are _bringing Ryan_."

"He's three months old," Billy says, incredibly amused.

"Never too young to be an ally," Alec says seriously as one of the twins puts her dark brown head on his knee. "Isn't that right, my love?"

The girl coos and sits up. The twins are older than Ryan and already crawling and siting up. Ryan still just lays on his back.

"Valencia," Billy calls out, getting the baby girl's attention. "Tell your daddy he ain't convincin' no one."

"I already bought ear muffs for them!" Alec grins. "Come on, do it for me."

Magic words, Homelander knows. Billy's loyalty demands one answer.

Groaning, Billy nods. "Fine. Bloody fine. But you're buyin' the food and drinks that day, aye?"

*

Alex and the twins leave a few minutes later, and Homelander comes out of the bedroom just in time to hear Alec call out from the elevator, "I'll pick you up for Pride, don’t think you can wiggle your way out of it!"

Billy slams the door behind him and rolls his eyes at Homelander. He's not surprised anymore that Homelander comes just on time every time.

"Bloody loud, that one is."

"You like him, though," Homelander points out as he crosses his legs next to Ryan, handing him a fluffy dinosaur. Ryan blinks at him and grins widely. Homelander feels a warmth pool in his stomach.

Billy snorts.

"So…" Homelander says, watching Billy go get himself a cup of orange juice. "You're going to the Pride parade?"

"Seems I am," Billy grins at Ryan, getting an immediate smile back. "Most years I weasel me way out of it. Alec and Riley"-Alec's partner. Billy introduced him as Alec's girlfriend but the freak had a dick, so there was that- "Usually go with Becca, and they let me stay home."

The smile dims.

"Are you…" Homelander clears his throat. "You know…"

Billy gives him an amused look, "You ain't gotta be queer to go to Pride."

"No, I know-"

"But yeah, I am," Billy says.

_Oh._

"Oh."

"Becca's actually the first woman I've ever fucked," Billy says nonchalantly, as if he hadn't just dropped the biggest bomb he could have, and heads to the bathroom.

Ryan makes a gurgling sound and Homelander automatically picks him up and rubs his back. That makes the baby quiet down and slump down on Homelander's shoulder.

"Your daddy drives me crazy, buddy," Homelander mumbles.

Becca is the first woman I've ever fucked.

First thing's first. This means that Billy has been with men, doesn’t it? That was definitely implied by the context of the conversation.

And of course, Homelander thinks bitterly as he keeps rubbing Ryan's back, of _course_ Becca was his first. Yet another connection Billy and Becca shared.

But that word. First. Not only. First.

Putting aside the possibility that Billy cheated on Becca (and that possibility can very easily be put aside), this means that Billy hasn't completely shut down the possibility of being with someone else.

This-this is _good_. This is very good. Not only has Billy been with men before, he's at least subconsciously open to a new relationship. Homelander grins as Billy comes back out, and happily makes himself and Ryan comfortable as Billy starts ranting about his day.

*

The Pride Parade is two weeks away, he's going to have to move fast. Luckily, he has an interview with CNN schedule for the next day. So, he sets the first phase of his plan into motion.

He lets a few questions go by mundanely, answering the interviewer's questions about the new law he's promoting that would allocate more funds for struggling schools. He's making 'caring for the children' the new baseline of his public persona, now that he's moved away from catering to the far-right religious crowd (he's been doing that since before Becca died, since before she even got pregnant, back when he was still working his way into becoming Billy's friend). When he gets Billy and can trout Ryan out as his beloved step-son it will be even better. When that discussion is done, and before the woman can start another one, he interjects.

"There's actually something I wanted to address, Malinda."

He sees the slight flicker of surprise in her eyes-she hadn't come into the interview expecting to get a scoop. She's a professional, though, and quickly collects herself, "Of course."

"It's about my relationship with the wonderful Queen Maeve."

He can see his Vought handles stirring, and one of them catches his eye and makes a cutting motion with his hand.

Homelander keeps smiling, but there's a nervous tilt to it now, that every watcher should be able to see.

"You see, it's-" He shakes his head. "Queen Maeve and I have broken up."

Dead silence. Homelander thinks he can see the spirit of one of the Vought workers leave her body.

"Oh," Malinda says, blinking. She plasters a sympathetic look on her face. "I am so sorry to hear that."

Homelander nods slowly, "It was hard. But a mutual decision. We both knew it was the right thing to do for the both of us."

"I see…"

"I love Maeve. She's my best friend and the closest thing I've ever had to a sister. Romantically, though, we were completely incompatible."

One of the Vought workers sway, about to faint. Probably contemplating her up-coming firing.

"Incompatible," Malinda says slowly. "One who's front?"

"Both-well, I was certainly incredibly inappropriate for Maeve's needs," He smiles as if he's telling a private joke. Now the Vought worker actually does faint, caught just in time by one of the others.

Malinda nods, "Could you elaborate on that?"

Homelander allows the smile to waver a bit, the expression of a man suddenly realizing he's given to much away. He clears his throat and says, "That's for Maeve to say."

"Shall we discuss your newest movie, then?" The reporter suggests gracefully. And why shouldn't she, she'd just got the biggest scoop of her life.

*

"Are you insane?!"

Homelander grins, reclining on Madelyn's sofa. Madelyn is at her desk, face buried in her hands, while Maeve stomps back and forth, wild with fear.

"They're saying I'm gay!" Maeve keeps on screaming. "It's been five hours and It's already all over every major fucking news station!"

"Wonderful," Homelander replies.

"Wonderful?!"

"Homelander," Madelyn says, doing a very good job of pretending she's not freaking out. "I don't think you understand what you've done."

"I understand perfectly," Homelander snaps, standing up. "I don’t think _you_ understand. The tide is starting to turn, more and more of the public are in favor of gay rights-this is the direction this country is going."

"It's not accepted by most of the country," Madelyn says.

"Give it a few years, and it will," Homelander flicks his gaze to Maeve for a moment. "Can you imagine how good it will look for us in a few years when gay marriage is legalized all over the country?"

"Right now-"

"So we might have a few lean years, but can you imagine what will happen afterwards?"

Madelyn peeks through her hands.

"We'll have to get rid of _Capes for Christ_ ," One of the PR people, who have been standing silently until now, pipes up.

Seems like Homelander won one person over.

Another one of the PR people looks up as well, "No, no, we don't want to lose that demographic completely-"

"We can't have an organization that's so publicly against gay rights _and_ court the gay public."

Madelyn raises her hand to quiet them down, "We need to do everything slowly. Start shifting the youth groups and _Capes for Christ_ in that direction. Find gay youth supes and ease their way to the top of the crowd. Do it gently, do it carefully."

The PR men nod enthusiastically, happy for a new challenge.

"Good," Madelyn turns her piercing gaze towards Maeve. "But with you-we can't go slow. He's made sure of that."

Maeve sends him a hateful look, "I get that."

"You're going to come out, publicly, as soon as possible," Madelyn orders. "The cat's out of the bag now. I'll get you an interview with the _New York Times_ , hopefully today. Releasing it in print will make it look more official."

"Fine."

"Now, you told Homelander first-"

"After you broke up," A PR man interrupts, and Madelyn hums in agreement.

"Yes. You broke up because Homelander felt there was something wrong. You were ashamed at being a lesbian, tried to force yourself to love Homelander. He sensed there was something wrong, you both decided to break it off. Then you told him. Homelander," Madelyn turns to him. "What happened today was slip up. You didn't mean to out Maeve."

"Of _course_ not."

Madelyn's smile is sharp and amused, "I'm glad we're on the same page. Let's try to stay that way in the future, hmm?"

*

"Congratulations," Billy drawls the next morning when Homelander comes over. "Heard your girl broke your heart."

Homelander laughs, and accepts Ryan so Billy can start making pancakes.


	5. Chapter 5

Billy has fallen asleep, which is usurpingly given the fact that Ryan has been sick for the past few days. Becca's mother has just left the apartment, leaving a huge pot of chicken soup behind. She'd offered to stay the night, but Billy had declined, telling her they would be fine, and she had work the next day. He hadn't told Homelander to leave.

It's so late it counts as early now, and Ryan has finally settled down. His fever has broken earlier that night, to both Homelander and Billy's immense relief. He's sleeping on Billy's chest, clutching his father's blue shirt, and father and son are breathing together. As Homelander watches them Ryan lets out a whimper, face scrunching up. Homelander swears softly, he can't let Ryan wake Billy up. He's _just_ fallen asleep.

He puts the cup of coffee he'd been drinking down and picks Ryan up carefully. Billy mumbles and frowns, eyes fluttering open.

"I've got him," Homelander promises, caressing Billy's forehead with a finger, and Billy nods and drifts back into sleep.

Ryan makes a sad little sound, but doesn’t start crying as Homelander quickly prepares a bottle for him and takes him to his room. He sits down on the rocking chair and hands Ryan the bottle just in time to stop tears from flowing.

Rocking gently, Homelander looks down at the baby who's quickly drifting back to sleep. He looks at his nose, seeing Becca there. He looks at his eyes, those are Billy's-

But the nose is Becca.

Homelander shakes his head, forcing himself to look away from Ryan's nose. The rest of his face is a mess-mash of different ancestors. Some of those elements Homelander can pinpoint in the pictures of grandparents above the crib. Others probably come from more distant relatives.

But the fucking _nose_. That's Becca.

He's _Becca's_ son.

Homelander quickly puts Ryan in the crib, and storms out of the room, hands clenched into fists.

"He ok?"

Homelander's hands unclench and he smiles at Billy, "Sleeping like a baby."

Billy nods and goes back to sleep, trusting and sweet.

*

On the day of the Pride Parade, Homelander joins Maeve at the head of the march. The rest of the Seven are there as well, of course, in different points of the parade. Homelander is glad he's at the head, so he doesn’t have to see all the disgusting displays happening behind him.

Billy's somewhere behind him as well, and when he focuses really hard he can hear him yelling at Alec and his freak over the noise, and Ryan clapping his hands and gurgling in pleasure, enjoying the colors and excited atmosphere.

There are so many other sounds that it's very hard to keep his ears on Billy. And he also needs to make sure to keep smiling and hold hands with the people marching next to him.

It honestly takes a lot of concentration.

"I'm going to give my speech now," Maeve says, leaning against him in the guise of giving him a hug. Homelander blinks, noticing that they're stopped in front of a stage.

He smiles at her brightly and whispers back, "I'll stand on the stage next to you."

She doesn’t like that, but she just smiles back, takes his hand and draws him up the stairs. There's a deafening cheer as Maeve and Homelander take their places on the stage. They grin and wave, Maeve managing to look slightly shy and nervous. One of the parade organizers take the mic.

Homelander lets himself wonder as the man talks about how important it was for him to have a supe he's always looked up to come out as gay. Blah, blah, blah…

He finds Billy in the crowd, zeroes in on him. Billy is at the edge of the crowd, around a whole group of families. It looks like quite a few of Billy's friends have come as well. He's got one of Becca's friends' kid on his shoulders, and the girl is hugging his head while Ryan waves her little leg around like a toy.

Billy looks amused, like he's enjoying the day despite himself. He's not really paying attention to the man's speech, but he does turn towards the stage when Maeve starts talking.

Homelander also gives her some attention. She talks quietly, calmly, but full of emotions. Telling about her sexual awakening in her teens, realizing she would have to hide it to get far at Vought. There’s a reason she made it to the Seven. She’s good at this.

"I wanted to be a hero, I wanted to help people. But I couldn't see a way to do that while being open about who I was. I choose to lie, and conceal," Maeve says to the near silent crowd. "And I won't say that was wrong, because unfortunately it was something I had to do in the world we live in. But things have changed now. The world is changing, and I am now in a position to help with that. Now it would be wrong to not take that responsibility."

The crowd erupts in thunderous applause.

Homelander looks out of the cheering mass of people. Most humans look at them with those wide eyes, the look of a human watching their gods. These people are looking at him and Maeve like they're not just gods, but saviors as well. It's a subtle but important distinction. A god is distant and needs to be appeased. A savior, though, feels close. It's easier to create a para-social relationship with a savior.

This is a completely unexpected and amazing side effect.

"I'm sure you're all wondering about the relationship between Homelander and I," Maeve motions Homelander over. He smiles and takes her hand. "It wasn't fake, not really. We truly love each other. But obviously, in a romantic and sexual way we couldn't work. You know one reason for that…but there is another. Homelander?"

That sly cunt.

"Are you ready to tell them?"

There isn't anything to be done about it. He takes the mic, and says softly into it, "Because…because I'm bisexual."

And the chaos erupts.

*

Homelander lets the insanity of the next few hours wash past him. In his mind's eye, all he can see is the expression that had rested on Billy's face once he made his declaration. There had been shock there, and confusion.

He doesn’t care about that. Not compared to what else was there. There had been _hope_ in Billy's eyes. A small, flickering light of hope.

That look carries him for the whole day. Madelyn screams, the PR people run around with their heads on fire, Maeve looms in the background, probably enjoying her little triumph.

Let her enjoy it. It wouldn't last. He’ll find a way to get back.

Homelander lets himself be moved around and scolded. He gives the statements Madelyn tells him to the press. He shakes hands with the parade organizers, smiles at the people who come up to him to thank him for his bravery. Explains that yes, he's sexually attracted to women but no, he isn’t romantically attracted to them, explaining Maeve's stamtent at the march. He supposes she expected him to declare himself gay (she's only ever seen him fuck men)-but he's not a fucking fag. He's just a god, who gets to fuck whoever he wants.

He's not quite sure if that statement about his sexuality is true or not. The only person he's ever been romantically attracted to is Billy. He's Billysexual.

Homelander is only released from Vought's clutches at around midnight. Without checking to see if Billy is awake, he flies over to the Butcher apartment.

He hovers by the closed window and peers in. Billy is laying on his bed, dressed only in his boxers (he's seen Billy like that a lot by now, but it doesn’t get any less impactful), staring at the ceiling. Homelander taps on the glass and Billy startles and turns to look at him.

For a moment Homelander thinks Billy might not let him in. He doesn’t seem pleased to see him. But eventually Billy sighs and gets up, opening the window.

"Thought you wouldn't show up," Billy says as a greeting, returning to his bed. "Still in your bloody ball smashin' suit, eh?"

"I didn't have time to change," Homelander replies as Billy lays back down, closing his eyes. Homelander sits down on a sofa chair, hearing Ryan breath softly through the baby monitor.

"Should have found it."

"Why, don't you like my suit?"

"No, you don't look like yourself in it," Billy says sharply.

"Well. Sorry," Homelander snaps back. "I had a pretty long day."

"Aye. Came out today, did you? In the middle of Pride. Quite a show. Can't think of better theater."

"Why does me coming out making you so _mad_?" Homelander narrows his eyes.

Billy sits back up, "Why the bloody hell didn't you tell me? Before you told the whole fuckin' world!"

Homelander shrinks back from Billy's anger, "I was going to tell you, I swear. I didn't know Maeve was going to do that."

"Like she didn't know you were goin' to tell about her?"

"Yes, I suppose-wait," Homelander stops and blinks. "How did you know-"

"I saw the fuckin' interview," Billy rolls his eyes. "It weren't planned, that was bloody obvious."

"Not to most people!"

"Most people are bloody idiotic," Billy waves his hand dismissively.

Homelander has to hold himself back from pouncing on top of Billy.

"You shouldn't have done it," Billy says quietly. "It ain't right. It's a bloody terrible thing to do."

He nods, "But I was going to tell you, I promise."

Billy watches him carefully, and then sighs and collapses down, pulling his sheets over his body, "I gotta sleep before Ryan needs to eat."

"D'you want me to leave?"

Billy shakes his head and then collapses into a deep sleep. Homelander swallows, he's never been given permission to watch Billy sleep before.

*

"You don't have to do this if you don't feel ready," Becca's sister says.

"He's only seven months old, I stayed home with my girls for a year each," Becca's mother says.

"Your boss said you can have up to a year," Becca's sister adds.

Billy raises an eyebrow and turns to Homelander, "Your turn?"

Homelander shrugs, "You'll do what you think is right for Ryan."

Recognizing his name, Ryan claps his hands from his position on Billy's hips and grins at Homelander. Homelander smiles back, in a good mood.

"Of course Billy will," Becca's mother says warmly, placing a fond hand on Billy's arm.

 _Don’t kill her, don’t kill her, don’t kill_ her, Homelander reminds himself.

"It'll be all right," Billy kisses Ryan's head. "Come on, Ryan, let's get you to daycare, aye?"

"Should we come with you?" Becca's mother asks. Anyone on the outside might think she's more nervous then Billy, but Homelander can see the subtle way Billy's eyes are darting around assessing the daycare in the way his SAS and CIA training has taught him, searching for unseen dangers.

"No," Billy says, kindly but strictly.

"Ok," Becca's sister says, and places a gentle hand on her mother's shoulder. "Let's say goodbye to Ryan, Mom."

The Saunders leave quickly after that and Homelander asks, "Should I leave as well? I need to be at Vought in a few hours anyways."

"No. Go wait in the apartment," Billy orders. "I'll be there in a bit."

Homelander obeys, but Billy doesn't come in 'a bit'. He spends half an hour in the daycare, only leaving after he looks the whole place over, every single inch (even though he's already done that a few days earlier when he went to talk to the building's daycare teacher about placing Ryan there) of it.

By the time he's done, Ryan is completely engrossed in a clapping game with one of the teachers and a few other babies. Billy stares at him, a small pleased smile on his face, and then goes up to the apartments.

"He looked happy," Billy says, stunned, as he closes the door and leans against it.

"Coffee?" Homelander holds up the cup he prepared.

"Cheers, mate," Billy sighs and collapses on a bar stool and accepts his coffee. He plays with it for a moment and says, "He was playin'."

"I saw."

"He was bloody _fine_."

Homelander raises an eyebrow, "Just because he's fine in a daycare doesn’t mean he doesn’t need you in general."

Billy stares at him.

"What?" Homelander asks, a bit uncomfortable.

"How d'you know what I was thinkin'?" Billy demands.

Homelander smiles, "I can't read minds, William."

"No," Billy says quietly. "You can just read _me_."

"You can read me as well," Homelander replies.

"Can I?" Billy asks, and then shakes his head when Homelander tries to respond to that. He puts his cup down and reaches out, grabbing Homelander's hand. His hold is warm and strong and Homelander melts into it. "Don't matter, I'll get there."

Homelander knows he doesn’t mean that as a threat. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t come off to Homelander like one.


	6. Chapter 6

He keeps an eye on Lucas McMurphy, the man he's framed for Becca's death, as they move closer to the trial date. He hasn’t confessed, despite all the pressure put on him by the cops and ADA. Homelander had been hoping he would, but the man has stuck to his guns. Which means they will need to go to the trial. 

McMurphy and his lawyers have chosen a defence that is making journalists nearly piss themselves with laughter. He claimed he was being set up by a supe. 

Hilarious. 

The only piece of evidence that is even slightly in McMurphy's favour is the fact that his younger sister claims he was visiting her during the attack on Becca. He was caught on camera entering her apartment building and leaving six hours later. 

The ADA is going with the theory that McMurphy snuck out through the window, went to rape Becca and then snuck back once again through the window. It's a tight schedule, but it could have been done. It does mean that McMurphy’s sister must have known what he was doing, given that it would have been basically impossible for her not to know what is happening if he asked her to lie about him staying at her place. 

It means that the case against McMurphy regarding the second woman, the one that was found with McMurphy's come in her, is far stronger than the case against him regarding Becca. 

McMurphy's upcoming trial has attracted an enormous amount of media attention-a case of a man killing two pregnant women and unborn girl would do that. So the first day of the trial, there is a crowd of journalists waiting by the courthouse. 

"Bloody hell," Billy mumbles. He's sitting in Becca's mother's car as they turn towards the courthouse. As they get closer, the car is swarmed by cameras, and shouting. Homelander, sitting on the courthouse roof, is tempted to fly down and save his man. It’s a silly thought, Billy doesn't need to be saved as he pushes the journalists and helps his former mother and sister-in-law inside. 

Once everyone is settled down, the judge comes in and orders McMurphy brought into the room. Becca's mother grabs Billy's hand, but Billy is looking down at his phone, writing a message to the friend who's watching Ryan, asking for an update on his son. He gets a message back quickly saying that Ryan is fine, napping in his bed, along with an attached picture, of Ryan sleeping just as advertised. 

Billy doesn’t look any less nervous. 

McMurphy's lawyer gives his opening statement, which Homelander ignores in favor of watching Billy. He'd tried to convince him that he didn't need to come to the trial, that he didn't need to be there and hear all the gory details once again. He'd not been surprised at all to be completely shut down. 

Billy's hands are clenched, mouth closed in a long line as the ADA gets up for her turn. She puts a pictures of both murdered women, Joanie and Becca, and waxes poetically about 'these young women had their whole world ahead of them' and 'they had a loving family, promising careers', and on and on. 

The screen flickers to another picture, this an ultrasound picture of Ryan in the womb. 

"This is Ryan," The ADA says sharply. "The child born during the murder of his mother. Ryan is an orphan, his life could have been taken because of _this man_ -" 

She points dramatically at McMurphy. 

"But Ryan is luckily," The ADA has good showmanship. "He got to survive." 

Her assistant switched to a picture of another ultrasound, and now all the attention in the room goes to the family of the second woman. Billy seems to deflate in relief now that he no longer has to look at his son. 

* 

"Ryan ain't lucky," Billy says, not turning around as Homelander walks into Ryan's bedroom. "Just 'cause he ain't _dead_ don't mean he's bloody lucky." 

Homelander puts his open palm on Billy's back, and the man relaxes against him. 

"That bloody ADA used Ryan and Becca like fuckin' props," Billy spits out. "This fuckin' trial and that fuckin' _cunt_." 

He could be talking about the ADA or about McMurphy. Hard to tell. 

"It's going to over in a few weeks-" 

"What if he's acquitted?" Billy demands, looking down at his sleeping son. 

Homelander starts rubbing his back, "He isn't going to be acquitted. Joanie Blum's case is Teflon. You're in the CIA, you know the evidence against him-" 

"The evidence against his sister ain't good, and if she ain't goin' to confess on the stand, that's a bloody big hole in Becca's case. If he ain’t convicted for Becky’s case there won’t be no justice." 

Homelander frowns, "The ADA will convince her. She knows things will be bad for her if she doesn’t have a deal by the time the trial is over and her brother is found guilty." 

Billy doesn't look convinced, and Homelander can sense the fear bubbling inside of him. Homelander sighs and gently steers Billy to a chair. 

He's going to have to take care of this. 

* 

McMurphy's sister watches silently as Homelander comes to sit in front of her. 

"Jane?" He asks gently, and the woman blinks up at him. "Do you know who I am?" 

"Of course I do," Jane McMurphy whispers. "Are you here to help me?" 

Homelander nods, "I am. Do you know how I will help you?" 

"You know, don't you," Jane grabs his hands. "You know that my brother didn't do anything. I know he's not a good person, I know he did horrible things in the past. But he didn't do this, he was with me!" 

"Jane, please," Homelander holds the woman's shaking hands. "We both know that's not true." 

Jane's eyes widen and she tries to pull away, but Homelander holds on tightly. 

"I'm sure you didn't know what your brother was going to do," Homelander's voice grows gentle, soothing. He's gotten good at that voice calming Ryan down. "I'm sure he must have made some story up, when he came back sweaty and smelling of sex. But when he was arrested, you must have known then. And you didn't say anything." 

"He never left the apartment-" 

"I know you're lying, Janey, I can hear your heartbeat," Homelander says sadly. "Listen to me, ok? I don’t think you're a bad person. I don't think your brother is a bad person either. But you have to tell the truth. There can be no forgiveness without confession." 

Jane, who Homelander had learned was raised Catholic, shudders. 

"Think about their families, about those two men who left without their wives. Think about Becca's husband, having to raise his son alone while he grieves his wife. And Joanie's husband-he lost his wife and daughter all together. He was left with _nothing_." 

The woman is crying openly now, the table getting wet with her tears. 

"Please, Jane. Please." 

* 

Becca and Joanie's families get the message a few hours later. Jane McMurphy has agreed to testifying against her brother. 

The outcome is fairly predictable after that, and Lucas McMurphy is found guilty of all charges. 

* 

Homelander is waiting for Billy after sentencing. Just this once, he hasn't been listening to what was going on in the courthouse. The sentencing is-for some unknown reason-taking place on Sunday, meaning there is no daycare, meaning Homelander is watching Ryan. 

Ryan is crawling and standing now, getting close to walking, and taking your attention off him for just one minute can end in disaster (a few weeks ago Homelander and Billy were talking and Ryan was left to his own devices for a minute, and he'd found is way to Billy's bed and decided to use his dad's deodorant as a teething ring. It had broken and spilled all over, of course. The room smelled terrible for days). 

Ryan has just fallen asleep for his afternoon nap when Billy comes into the apartment. Homelander, reading in the living room, motions that Ryan is asleep. 

Billy looks shell-shocked and stumbles over to Homelander. 

There's a strange static in the air, a change in the atmosphere as Billy comes towards him. He takes the steps down to the sunken living room, stepping over the baby-gate, and before Homelander can figure out what is happening, collapses over Homelander and hugs him tightly. 

"It's over," Billy mumbles into his ear. 

Homelander swallows, hugging Billy back, "I'm glad." 

"Judge gave him the max," Billy buries his face into Homelander's shoulder. "He ain't never comin' out. It's done." 

"Becca has her justice now," Homelander grins, self-satisfied, safe in the knowledge that Billy can't see him. 

"Her revenge." 

"You helped give her that," Homelander whispers. "She can rest now. _You_ can rest now." 

Billy pulls away from Homelander and smiles, half sad and half hopeful. 

"It's over," Billy says again. "And I can rest." 

And start again. 

* 

Things change after the sentencing. Some are small things, so small most people would miss them. Some are larger. Homelander catches them all. 

The small things are mostly touches. Before that, Billy had allowed Homelander to touch him constantly, but he barely recuperated. Billy isn't open with his touches, other than with his son. And he had been with Becca, as well. He's started to touch Homelander more, now. A hand on his arm to get his attention, fingers in his hair in casual caress, head resting on his shoulder when exhausted. 

Some of those touches are much less innocent. The first time Billy kisses his cheek, Homelander freezes in place. But Billy, who had been on his way to give Ryan a shower, just moves on and doesn’t acknowledge what he did. 

Homelander is too stunned to actually ask him what the fuck just happened. 

He can see Billy smirk. 

The bigger things, the ones that can't really be ignored, start after that first kiss. Billy comes out of the baby's room, clutching the monitor in his hand. He tilts his head to the side and says, "The guest room's a bloody mess." 

Homelander looks at the guest room, "Ryan just spilled some juice-" 

"Shouldn't sleep there." 

Homelander frowns, "If you don't want me to stay over, William, just tell me." 

"I would, if I wanted that," Billy rolls his eyes, resembling an exasperated teenager. "But I don't want that." 

Homelander ends up sleeping in Billy's bed with him, that night and all the nights after that. 

* 

Ryan's first word is, usurpingly, _cunt_. 

Well, unsurprising to Billy and Homelander. It was a bit more surprising to Ryan's daycare teachers. Who are not pleased. 

"Don’t laugh," Billy demands as they leave the daycare. 

Homelander nods, trying hard to obey. When they picked Ryan up (Homelander wearing his 'disguise', which is just a pair of black glasses and a brown dye for his hair that comes off when he washes it. Amazingly, it works perfectly), the daycare teacher Ms. Nora had met Billy with a serious frown and a speech. It had been made clear to Billy that either that sort of talk was cut out in the Butcher household or Ryan would have to go to a different daycare. 

"Does this count as discrimination?" Homelander asks, laughter bubbling up inside of him. "Against cockneys? Cursing is like your mother tongue." 

Billy looks down at Ryan, "There ain't no bloody way I'm changin' the way I speak for that fucker." 

"You like Ryan's teachers." 

"And you like Stillwell, that ain't mean she ain't a fucker," Billy points out as they walks into the elevator. 

"So what are we going to do?" Homelander asks. "Find a different daycare?" 

"Bloody hell, no," Billy snorts. "No daycare 'round here would accept swearin'. We'll just have to teach him not to do it outside of home." 

"Oh, so we're teaching our son to lie?" 

"Lyin's useful," Billy pokes Homelander in the chest as the elevator door opens on their floor. "You should know." 

"Oh, I see, you want _me_ to teach Ryan to lie," Homelander says as they walk out. 

"You want to deny him his heritage?" Billy shifts Ryan on his hip so he can unlock the apartment door. 

"That's what I bring to the table?" Homelander scoffs, walking in after Billy. 

"Hmm, mostly," Billy says as Ryan grabs his hair and tugs hard. "Ow! Bloody _hell_ , Ryan!" 

Ryan grins and laughs when Billy throws him in the air a few times. Billy sighs deeply and takes Ryan down to the living room to start playing with him. 

Homelander leans against the breakfast bar and watches them, suddenly realizing what conversation they had just held. _Our son…deny Ryan his heritage…we're teaching him…._

He feels close to throwing up. 

Both he and Billy were talking as if Homelander was Ryan's father, and neither of them had noticed doing that. It made him wonder if there had been more conversations like that. 

Homelander takes a deep breath. 

He stays over almost every night, he and Billy have a system, depending who has more intense work the next day, to decide who needs to get up to take care of Ryan on the occasions when he doesn’t sleep through the night. Homelander picks Ryan up from daycare two days a week when Billy finishes late. He had been with Ryan, without Billy, when he took his first step. He'd had to survive Ryan's teething period. Since Ryan's birth, the longest he's gone without seeing him was the week he spent travelling the country to promote his latest movie. 

Ryan calms down faster when Homelander holds him then when Becca's mother and sister hold him. He falls asleep on his shoulder and burst into uncontrollable laughter when Homelander flies around the apartment with him. 

Homelander has allowed Billy to teach him to cook, he makes food for them sometimes, he's managed to convince Billy to let one of his maids come clean the apartment (Billy thinks she comes once a week and the rest of the time it's Homelander that does the chores with his superspeed, but they actually come every second day). He sleeps in Billy's bed every night, he argues with him about who's turn it is to do what chore, they watch movies together after Ryan has fallen asleep. 

Homelander has never had a family, but he thinks this is what having one feels like. 

"Mate!" Billy calls out. "Hand me the diapers!" 

Shaking himself out of his daze, Homelander goes to obey. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiiii  
> Sorry for the delay on this one, the beginning of the year hit me harddd

It happens on Ryan's first birthday, two months after the sentencing. On the morning of the birthday, Ryan has a little party in the park with Billy's friends as well as families from the daycare, and Becca’s family (but Homelander had noticed that none of Becca's friends had been invited, and that Billy hasn't seen them in months, gravitating further and further away from them). 

Homelander can't go to that party-he never goes out with them, too many people, too exposed. People could be taking pictures that have him in the background without even noticing, you never know-so in the afternoon they have a party just for the three of them on the balcony. 

"Happy birthday, little man," Homelander kisses Ryan's blond head (he likes that Ryan is blond, neither of his parents are, so it's like a little sign of his own ownership of the boy) as Billy brings out a plate full of cookies. Homelander grins up at him. "No cake this time?" 

"I ain't makin' _another_ bloody cake." 

"Bloody!" Ryan chirps happily and accepts a chocolate chip cookie from Billy. 

"See, this is the kind of talk that gets your daddy into trouble at the daycare," Homelander chides, patting Ryan's nose. 

Ryan laughs in response, and he sounds just like Billy. His eyes are sparkling exactly the way Billy's do when he's amused. The nose is Becca's but it gets lost in the rest of his face and entire being. 

Homelander swallows and realizes that he loves Ryan, and that Becca doesn’t matter-she was just a bit of DNA and a convenient womb on legs for him to grow in. He's Billy's and he's Homelander's. 

Feeling that he's being watched, Homelander turns away from Ryan to find Billy staring at him with a confusing intensity. Billy takes a few steps towards Homelander and puts a hand on his shoulder. 

"Billy…?" 

As a response, Billy kisses him. 

There. Good. The world is finally working the way it should. Two years planning and waiting has finally come to fruition, and the shock renders Homelander nearly catatonic. 

The kiss is soft and warm, and over far too quickly. Before Homelander can quite get out of his catatonic state, Billy is moving away taking Ryan with him. 

He goes back to eating the cookies and completely ignores what he had just done. 

* 

When Billy comes back out to the kitchen after putting Ryan to sleep, he has a nervous look on his face. Which is very much not like him. Billy doesn’t get nervous, he gets _hostile_. 

Homelander puts down his glass of water as Billy comes to stand next to him and starts playing with the buttons on his shirt. 

"Hey," Homelander says softy. 

"Hi," Billy echoes, fingers shaking a bit. 

"Ryan's asleep?" 

"Aye." 

"Billy," Homelander grabs Billy's hands and kisses his fingers. 

Billy swallows. 

"If you don't want this-" 

"I want it," Billy interrupts, pressing their foreheads together. Well. This is what heaven sounds like. Good to know. 

"I want you to," He says softly. "I've wanted you for a very long time." 

Billy smiles softly and cups the back of Homelander's neck. 

"But I don't-I don't want it if you're not ready," Homelander says, a bit surprised to find that he's telling the truth. He doesn’t want Billy if the man will spend the whole time thinking about his _Becca_. 

Billy's smile becomes devastatingly fond and he kisses Homelander again. This time there is no baby between them, nothing that can distract them, and the kiss goes on. 

Homelander can taste the cookie dough and beer, and under that the sweet-bitter taste that is Billy. It tastes like Billy smells, a smell that Homelander has become intimately familiar with. The kiss starts gentle, a simple press of lips on lips. Then Billy opens his mouth, and allows Homelander's tongue to enter. 

It becomes progressively filthier after that. Billy slips his own tongue into Homelander's mouth, and they tango there, two tongues playing with each other, jostling for control. Homelander grabs hold of Billy's hips, hoists him up on the breakfast bar. Billy wraps his legs around Homelander, pulling him close and using the hight he has over him now to pull his head backwards and kiss him like that, open-mouthed and commanding. 

Billy is in command now and Homelander just melts against him. 

"Take me to bed," Billy commands quietly. "You're goin' to fuck me." 

Homelander's mind shirt-crickets for a moment, and he breathes out, "Yes." 

Billy pushes his fingers through Homelander's blond hair, a calming caress that makes Homelander nearly purr with pleasure. 

"You never told me your name," Billy whispers. 

"You know my name," Homelander replies. "It's Homelander." 

Billy keeps caressing Homelander's hair, "C'mon." 

Homelander closes his eyes and says, "What do you know about my childhood according to Vought?" 

"Not much." 

"Whatever you think you know, it's not real," Homelander keeps his eyes tightly closed. "None of it was real." 

"More lies, hmm?" Just this once, Homelander doesn’t think the anger at the lying is directed at him. 

"Yeah," Homelander puts his arms around Billy. 

"Buy did you have a name?" Billy whispers into his ear. 

Homelander shudders, "I haven't used it since I was a teenager. Only in…Vought propaganda." 

"But you had one." 

"It was given to me, it's not mine-" 

"Every-bloody-person has a name given to them," Billy says, which, yes, fair point. "Tell me what it was." 

Homelander swallows, and blurts out, before he can change his mind, "It was John." 

"John," Billy says slowly, holding Homelander tightly. "John. Suits you. Shall we go to bed, John?" 

"Yes, please." 

* 

There’s a strange, reverent atmosphere while Billy crawls on the bed, pulling Homelander with him. Whenever Homelander had imagined this, he thought it would be harsh and rough, that he would throw Billy down or Billy would push him and command him. But this, this is almost too much for him. Billy is naked, Homelander is naked, but all Homelander can look at are Billy’s eyes, the ocean of emotion swimming around in them, the way love and lust war for control. 

Billy takes hold of Homelander’s hand, brings it down to wrap around both of their lengths. Billy is hot and thick in Homelander’s hold, already hard and standing proud, just like Homelander. He thinks it won’t last long, that they won’t last long enough for Homelander to fuck Billy. But he finds that it doesn’t matter. 

He's got Billy here, he’s with him, they’re together. What else could he possibly want, what else could there possibly be? 

* 

A few minutes after they come, Billy turns to Homelander and said, “Edge’s off. You can shag me now.” 

Homelander’s mind goes white with static. 

* 

They take a shower after they're done, where Billy gets on his knees and blows Homelander. Which is a nice way to end the evening. 

Returning to the bed, Billy curls against Homelander under the blankets. Billy is breathing heavily, heart thumping. 

"You ok there?" Homelander asks. Sometimes having superpowers can be a bit annoying. He's ready to go again, but Billy won’t be able to get hard again for a while. 

"Fuck off," Billy growls, and stretches. "Next time, I'm gonna shag you." 

A thrill of excitement goes through Homelander at the thought, oddly enough. Trying to hide that, he says dryly, "Don’t I get a say in that?" 

Billy raises an eyebrow, "Do you not want me to shag you?" 

"I want you to _shag me_ ," Homelander agrees, and gets a pillow on the face for his accent-effort. 

* 

The next morning, when Billy brings Ryan into their bedroom, he places the baby on the ground and as Ryan starts to crawl towards Homelander Billy says, "Go on, then, Ry! Go to John, get to Daddy." 

* 

When Ryan opens the door, the first thing he thinks is, _oh, must be from Papa’s work._

They just have this specific look to them, the serious people from The Agency. Ryan thinks it’s the look of a haunted person. He’d told Dad that once, and Dad had said, “They are haunted. You can try to convince your pop to quit his job.” 

He'd tried, and Papa had been really upset by that and Daddy and Papa got into one of the Bad Fights. The ones where they yell really loud and Daddy ends up flying away, looking really tense and Papa hugs Ryan and says sorry. And Daddy comes back and says sorry too. 

“Hello,” Ryan says, because Daddy taught him to be polite even if Papa says it’s pointless. But Daddy says that they need to know how to appear a certain way to the public. Daddy says that because Ryan is his son, he’s a public figure even if no one knows about him, and he needs to act like that. “Can I help you?” 

The woman looks down at him and says, “Hello there, young man.” 

“Hello.” 

“You must be Ryan Butcher.” 

“Yeah, ‘cause Papa called me Ryan and my last name is Butcher.” 

“I see,” The woman nods. “William Butcher. Is he here?” 

“Yeah,” Ryan nods. “He’s in his office-” 

“Would you mind getting him for me?” 

* 

The boy is a surprise. Not that he’s there, Grace of course knew of his existence before, but she hadn’t expected him to look the way he does, with his wide blue eyes and long blond hair tied behind him in a ponytail. He’s got spots of blue and green on his face, from painting, and his shirt says ‘Arsenal for the Win’. 

He looks like a normal, perfectly well adjusted four-year-old boy. He reminds Grace (painfully) of her middle grandson, Charlie. Before he was turned into a charred pile of ash along with his sisters two months ago. 

Her grandson had been raised by loving parents, in a safe and comfortable home that allowed him to retain that innocence. But this boy-this boy was raised by Homelander. And even if Homelander puts on the same mask at home that he puts on in public, how good is that mask? Does it never slip? Does he never threaten the child, never hurt him? Ryan certainly doesn’t look like a beaten child. And it’s usually easy to see in their eyes. 

“Papa!” Grace hears Ryan knock on one of the doors with both his fists. “There’s someone here!” 

The door opens right away, the instinctual response of a parent to his child. Billy Butcher is barefoot, his hair looking like he’s been running his hands through it. CIA desk work can be difficult and exhausting, Grace remembers. 

“Who’s here?” 

“Agent Butcher,” Grace says. “My name is Grace Mallory, I'm-” 

“Former Deputy Director, I know,” Billy interrupts. 

Grace hums, “Is my picture still up?” 

“Aye,” Billy ruffles his son’s hair, and Ryan plasters himself against his leg, looking up at him with simple adoration and trust. “Ry, gotta talk to this lady. Why don’t you go back to your art?” 

Ryan shrugs, and skips down to the sunken living room, where he settles down next to the art table and goes back to painting a huge canvass covering the whole surface of the table. 

“Let’s sit,” Billy says calmly, and does so at the dining table. Grace takes the seat in front of him and takes out her files. “Why are you here?” 

“I’m here to talk to you about your husband,” Grace says. 

Billy stiffens. 

“The Homelander?” 

He nods, and leans backwards on his chair, suddenly much more serious, “And how do you know about that?” 

“I know it’s been kept very secret by Vought,” Grace shrugs. “Don’t be so shocked, Lamplighter told me.” 

Billy’s teeth grit, “Did he, now?” 

“I know you’re probably angry at that, and I can’t tell you that Lamplighter did it to protect you or your son-” 

“Protect me?” Billy snorts. 

Grace hesitates, and then says, “He is yours. Biologically and legally.” 

“Aye,” Billy says suspiciously. 

“You could take him away, if you wanted.” 

“Ma’am-” 

“Would Homelander let you go if you asked?” 

Billy rubs his face, “Just tell me what you bloody want and get the fuck out of me home.” 

Wordlessly, Grace pushes the folder over to Billy. 

For the next thirty minutes, there is a harsh silence in the apartment. Ryan is quiet as he paints, chewing his lip in concentration. Billy isn’t making a sound, eyes flittering back and forth over the pictures and papers Grace brought him. It had taken nearly three months for her to put together all of this evidence. She’d started before...before Lamplighter did what he did, and continuing it was the only thing that made her keep going, kept the Boys together. It was the need to protect this child, when she had failed so bitterly to protect the ones she loved. She wasn’t going to allow another supe hurt another little boy, ever again. 

Finally, Butcher pushes the papers aside and looks up at her. Grace bites her lip, trying to stop a whimper from escaping her. She’s never seen that look before, the look of a dead soul walking around in a still living body. 

“Where did you get all this?” Butcher asks, fingering the pictures showing Homelander raping a young woman. 

“Some of them from Lamplight, some from our own research-” 

“You believe he killed me wife?” 

“I don’t have any proof for it. If he did it, he was good at hiding his tracks.” 

Butcher just keeps on watching her, dead and gone. 

“But yes, I do believe it.” 

Butcher nods, then stands up. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok.  
> So.  
> I suddenly remembered that I wrote part of this BEFORE we found out Billy's father is alive, and he's dead in earlier parts of this fic so...  
> You know what, we're just going to ignore that for now, kay?  
> Great 😊👍

“Miss Stillwell?” 

Madelyn looks up, taking her glasses off as she does, “Yes, Erin?” 

Her young assistant swallows, “There’s someone here to see you.” 

“Who is it?” Madelyn rubs her eyes. She doesn’t remember any appointments today, but it’s not as if the supes haven’t barged in without making one before. 

“It’s, um, it’s Billy Butcher.” 

Madelyn puts her pen down. 

“Send him in.” 

Butcher comes into the room like he owns it. It's a trait of his Madelyn had noticed before in the few times she’d met him in his and Homelander’s apartment. Even when he was running around after a toddler who refused to put on pants, or was in the middle of saving burning rice, he was still always in control of the space, the kind of control that made everyone else around him seem like renters he was allowing to live in his place. Somehow, he exudes the same energy in Madelyn’s fucking office. 

“Mr. Butcher, how good to see you,” She says with a small smile, hoping the sarcasm was coming through. 

Butcher hums, looking around as he walks over to the shelves, looking over the small busts of the Seven placed there. 

“Come sit?” 

Picking up the bust of his husband, Billy says, “Larger than the others, eh?” 

“He is their leader, it makes sense,” Madelyn folds her arms together. “Look, Butcher, not that I'm not thrilled to have you here-” 

“Homelander’s been doing less and less public relations work the past few years, hasn’t he? It’s happened slowly, but you can only relay on him to work nine to five, five days a week. If that.” 

He lets go of the bust, moving towards the window. 

“Ain’t ideal for the leader of your little possie, no? Sure you’d like to pass on the rule of leader, but ohhh, can’t do _that_. No supe is as well-loved as Homelander, and people will start to talk if he ain’t the leader no more. Besides, I'm sure he wouldn’t like that, not one bit-” 

“Butcher.” 

Butcher smiles, or at least, his mouth quirks up. 

Madelyn sighs and goes to walk over to Butcher, asking, “Why are you here, telling me about all my PR problems that you and your son cause?” 

Butcher looks out the window and says, “I’ve had some interesting information revealed to me that I'd like to discuss with you.” 

He reaches into his pocket and takes out a folded picture, handing it to Madelyn. Frowning in confusion, Madelyn unfolds it. 

The picture is clearly taken from a surveillance camera. It’s black and white and a bit grainy, but the imagine it shows is still clear to see-Homelander, in his suit, holding the severed head of a man high up in the air. The body is laying on the floor, and blood spills, frozen forever in the air. 

Madelyn clears her throat and folds the picture, handing it back to Butcher, “Did you talk to your husband about this? I’m sure it’s not pleasant to see, but as a former soldier yourself you know that sometimes it’s not possible to bring people in alive-” 

“Miss Stillwell,” Butcher interrupts, calm but firm. Madelyn wonders if that’s how he talks to his son when he wants him to do something. It’s a bit insulting to have that tone directed at her, but she can’t deny that it’s effective. 

Butcher places the picture back in his pocket. 

“I have hundreds of pics and videos like that. Don’t try this game with me. I know who Homelander is now.” 

“Do you? Because I certainly don’t. I never thought he’d be able to be a family man, but he’s proved me wrong.” 

“And I never thought he could be a fucking cunt mad animal, so I suppose we both have more to learn.” 

Madelyn wraps her arms around himself, “I’ve wondered, over the past few years, which is the real him and which is the act.” 

“Neither are,” Butcher says with absolutely no doubt in his voice. And then suddenly, in one swift moment, grabs her by the throat and shoves her against the window. 

“Fuck-” Madelyn gasps, but Butcher’s hand is over her mouth before she can scream for help. 

“You knew,” He whispers viciously into her ear. “What he does, and you let him spend his time around me wife, around me _son_.” 

Madelyn shakes her head, pushing Butcher away. Surprisingly, he goes. 

“D’you know if Homelander killed me wife?” 

Madelyn swallows, massaging her aching neck, “I don’t know. If he did, he-” 

“Hid his tracks, aye. D’you think he did?” 

Madelyn sighs and collapses on her sofa, “I thought he might. It...it seemed like he would want her dead. So it was a bit to convenient that she was murdered. Randomly. By someone who was as easy to catch as McMurphy was.” 

Butcher nods stiffly. 

“But,” Madelyn adds. “If it had been him, why had he left Ryan alive? He could have killed your son, if he wanted you for himself, wouldn’t he do that?” 

Butcher shakes his head, “Dunno. I don’t know.” 

He takes a breath and turns to glare at her. 

“Let’s say he didn’t-it don’t matter. He killed other mums, other babies.” 

“Do you think you’re not safe with him?” 

“We’re safe with him,” Butcher replies, immediately and with no hesitation. “But we can’t stay with him.” 

Shit. Not that Madelyn hadn’t been expecting that, but still. Fuck. 

“If you leave him, I don’t know what he will do-” 

“That’s why I ain’t gonna leave him, not really,” Butcher smiles again, and this time it’s an actual smile. A cruel and ruthless one-but it is real. 

He walks over to her, leaning over the sofa to look her straight in the eye. 

“You want him back being your good-good little solider who does as he’s told and goes to where you want him, no family callin’ him back?” 

“You know I do,” Madelyn says suspiciously. “Or you wouldn’t have fucking bragged about the hold you have on him otherwise.” 

Butcher nods, “So, you’re gonna help me.” 

Madelyn narrows her eyes, “Help you do what?” 

“Help me and Ryan fake our deaths.” 

Fake- 

“No,” She says immediately. “Are you insane? If he ever found out-” 

“Have Vogelbaum help you. He’s a bloody genius, sure he can fake the deaths of one man and one little boy.” 

The venom when he talks about Vogelbaum makes it crystal clear how much he hates the man. Madelyn assumes Homelander had told him about his childhood, and Butcher carries a grudge for his husband. Which means, what, that he still loves him? 

Well, Butcher had been sure Homelander wouldn’t hurt him, so he at least still trusts him. Or at least still sure of his hold on him. As far as Madelyn is concerned, it isn’t cockiness. 

Simply an acknowledgement of facts. 

“Why would I do that? If Homelander ever found out that I helped you escape him-do you have any idea what he will do to me?” 

“You want me gone, just as much as I want to be gone,” Butcher replies. “We hold him back, remember? He’d be a much better worker if we were gone.” 

“I don’t think it’s worth the risk.” 

“Well...then how about this?” Butcher leans over her again. “if you don’t, I'll go to Homelander and tell him you were tryin’ to convince me to leave him.” 

Madelyn stands up, “Don’t.” 

Butcher raises an eyebrow, the jerk, “No?” 

“No,” Madelyn repeats. “I’ll help you.” 

* 

“Daddy!” 

Homelander grins, reaching out to catch Ryan as he catapults into his arms. 

“Hey there, buddy,” Homelander throws the boy high up in the air before catching him and tucking his long blond hair behind his eyes. He’s been wanting to cut Ryan’s hair-he thinks Ryan’s been looking a lot like a girl. But Billy won’t let him. He says that it’s Ryan’s body, and his choice. And Ryan wants his hair long. 

He wants it to be as long as Becca’s hair is in the picture of her that he has hanging above his bed. 

Homelander wants the hair fucking gone. He’s going to have to think of a way to get it done without Billy knowing. Maybe he’ll get Ryan’s hair stuck on something, forcing him to cut it? He’ll have to think about it. 

“Daddy-Daddy-Daddy,” Ryan wraps his arms around Homelander’s neck. “Papa says we’re going to fly to London.” 

Homelander frowns, “Really?” 

“Yeah, he said me and him will go,” Ryan nods happily. 

Homelander heaves Ryan up and walks over to the living room, where Billy is sitting, chewing his lip as he looks down at his computer. He closes it as Homelander comes over, smiling in a sad way. 

“So, you’re planning on flying?” Homelander asks, settling down next to Billy and wrapping his arms around him. Ryan skips happily towards the box of Legos. 

Billy grabs his arms as if it’s a log and he’s drowning in the sea. Homelander knows that hold, it means something is wrong. 

“Hey, Billy...” 

“Me dad’s got cancer.” 

“I know,” Homelander kisses the back of his neck, smelling the food Billy had made. A sweet Potatoe pie, Ryan’s favourite. “I thought you were pleased by it.” 

“Mum needs me,” Billy says quietly. “I want her to leave the bloody cunt.” 

“Right...” He’s not lying, Homelander is sure. But he’s also not telling the whole truth. He has a different purpose for his trip. 

Homelander isn’t going to ask, he can tell Billy won’t tell him, and it will just end in a fight. It’s possible, he thinks, that Billy thinks he can try and make his relationship with his father better. Billy would never, ever admit to wanting that. And Homelander really, really doesn’t want him to try. 

Fathers that hurt always disappoint. 

“I’ll come with you,” He says. “We can take a Vought plane-” 

“Already ordered one,” Billy says, his hold on Homelander’s arm only getting stronger. “But you ain’t comin’, you know you can’t.” 

“Billy-” 

“Me parents can't know about you,” Billy says sharply. “You ain’t comin’.” 

Homelander grits his teeth, “Why are you taking Ryan?” 

Billy pulls away from Homelander so they can look at each other, “She’s his grandma. Why wouldn’t he meet her?” 

“And she’s my mother-in-law, why shouldn’t I meet her?” 

Billy rubs his eyes, and Homelander realizes with a start that there are tears starting to shine in his eyes, “No, you can’t. You know that.” 

* 

The day before the planned flight to London, Billy takes a day off work, and the two of them take Ryan to the beach. It’s the last days of summer, starting to get less furiously hot by the day. Ryan is buzzing with excitement, legs kicking the front seat where Billy is sitting while Homelander drives, but Billy, who usually would make the boy stop, just sits there, looking out the window with a lost look in his eyes. 

He makes Homelander take them to see Becca’s mother before they head to the beach, which is something that Homelander has just had to learn to deal with over the years. He’s still looking for a way to kill the bitch without it hurting Ryan too much. He’s not sure he can. Unfortunately, Ryan _loves_ his grandmother. 

“Stay in the car,” Billy says to Homelander when he stops the car. 

Homelander frowns. Becca’s mother knows him, he comes to her with Billy and Ryan more often then he’d like. “Why-” 

“Just...just stay, please.” 

Billy almost never says please, so Homelander stays in the car for the next fifteen minutes, watching Ryan excitedly tell his grandmother all about his upcoming trip, and how he’s going to see the Big Ben and go on the London Eye which will make him high, but not as high as _Daddy_ makes him, watches as Billy spends most of the fifteen minutes looking out the window, at Homelander, that lost look in his eyes. 

“You’ll have a wonderful trip, Ry,” Becca’s mother says while she walks Billy and Ryan to the front door. She turns to Billy and asks, “Are you sure you won’t stay for brunch?” 

“Not today,” Billy says. Sadly. Homelander hadn’t expected his father’s cancer and the upcoming trip to affect him so much. 

They drive to one of the least populous beaches, and for the first few hours it’s just the three of them there. Homelander goes into the water with Ryan, and they swim around (they’d been teaching Ryan to swim lately), but Billy stays on the sand, watching them. 

By the time more people arrive (a family of six, they’re the fucking loudest fucks Homelander has ever had the misfortune of encountering-he memorizes their names. A school shooting in the younger boy’s school, maybe? It would make the woman cry and stop her shrieking at how cold the water is), Ryan is getting tired and Homelander is sick of being away from Billy. He kept expecting Billy to come into the water with them, but he’d stayed on the sand, hand on his chin, watching them. 

“Hi, laddie,” Billy murmurs, picking Ryan up and letting the boy rest his head heavily on his shoulder. “D’you have fun with Daddy?” 

“A-ha,” Ryan mumbles, wrapping his arms around Billy’s shoulder as they walk back to towards the car. 

“I think he would have enjoyed it more if you came in with us,” Homelander says, opening the door so Billy can slip Ryan in and strap him to his chair. 

Billy closes the door and drags Homelander into a soft kiss. 

“Thought he should have some time alone with his Daddy,” Billy says, resting his forehead against Homelander’s. “It’s going to be a while until he sees you again.” 


	9. Chapter 9

“Be good for Papa,” Homelander says as he clings to Ryan. “And take care of him, ok? You know how he can get...carried away.” 

“And doesn't stop working,” Ryan nods solemnly. The need to make his Papa stop working is one of Ryan and Homelander’s great joined missions in life. “I’ll make him stop.” 

Homelander smiles. He knows he should let go of his son. The taxi is waiting for them downstairs to take Ryan and Billy to the airport, where a Vought plane will whisk them off to London for a week. He doesn’t want to, though. He wants to hold on to Ryan and never let go. 

Ryan squirms, wanting to leave the safety of his father’s arms. He wants to go out, explore the world, find out what it has to offer for him. He doesn’t want to stay where it’s safe and boring. Homelander often thinks about how he had been, when he was that age. How he’d explored the white room he was kept in, trying desperately to find something new to explore. 

Whenever he thinks about that, he takes Ryan out of kindergarten for a day, flies him to the middle of a forest or to the sea, somewhere in nature. And they explore, Ryan discovers the world, and Homelander watches him, over him. When they get back home, Ryan’s eyes are sparkling and he doesn’t stop talking, telling Billy about all his adventures for hours. 

Billy always holds Homelander closer to him than normal on those days. 

“We’ll be alright,” Billy says, as solemn and serious as Ryan. “I’ll take care of him, I promise.” 

There's a heaviness in the air as they hug, and just like with Ryan, Homelander doesn’t want to let go. It’s even worse now, because everything is worse when it comes to Billy, all the feelings he has get amplified with Billy. 

“Don’t go,” Homelander finds himself saying, without really planning to. “Please.” 

“It’s just a week,” Billy replies, clutching at Homelander’s hair. He doesn’t sound as sure as he probably wants to be. 

_I think you won’t be back_ , Homelander thinks, but he can’t say it, because it’s ridiculous, and Billy would probably just laugh, tell him he was ‘being as bad as a schoolmarm’. 

Or maybe he won’t. He’s holding on just as tightly, as if he’s afraid as well. 

“I’l call you, love, as soon as we land,” Billy says, letting go. Homelander forces his arms to do the same, and Billy kisses him deeply. 

“I’ll wait,” Homelander promises, giving Ryan’s hair one last ruffle. 

Billy's smile is strained, “I know. I love you.” 

“I know.” 

They leave then, and Homelander watches through the walls and floors as they go into the taxi and drive away. 

He watches Billy and Ryan drive, but just when the car is about to drive into the airport, an explosion startles him. He swears, and goes to save the people in danger. 

But when he’s done, there’s another one, and then another one after that, and by the time he trains his eyes back on the plane, it’s too late. 

* 

Madelyn watches the plane explode on her phone, taking with it the automated pilot system and the three bodies they’d precured for this stunt: one man dressed in pilot’s clothing, one man dressed in the clothes Butcher brought them, and a little boy, a child who had died earlier that week whose body had been donated to science. She wonders, bitterly, what the boy’s family would say if they found out that this is the way his body was being used. To trick the greatest superhero alive. 

No lives being saved here. Quite possibly the opposite. 

Madelyn watches the little bits of plane still left sinking into the sea. She slips the phone back into her pocket and goes back to typing, waiting for the distraction they prepared for Homelander to end. 

She realizes that her hands are shaking, and has to clasp them together and breathe deeply to calm herself down. She doesn't know, at all, how Homelander will react. She thinks it’s around fifty-fifty whether he’ll kill her or not for the plane she gave Butcher to take to London. 

It takes half an hour, and then it happens. 

The glass windows in her office shatter into a thousand pieces as Homelander flies in. Madelyn screams as shards of glass slice the skin of her arm and face, and falls down under the table. Blood pours down from the various cuts now littering her body. 

A hand comes under the desk, grabbing her and throwing her on top of it. Madelyn gasps as more pieces of glass dig into her back and legs, the pain so surprising and strong she almost doesn't feel the fear for a few moments. 

The hand leaves her, and she sits up, as carefully as she can, watching Homelander move around the office, eyes glowing red, an uncaged lion on the loose. 

“He’s dead,” Homelander says. Madelyn wants to say his voice is shaking, but that hardly does it justice. It’s a city levelled to the ground by a hurricane. He’s destroyed, utterly taken apart. 

_You’ll have to put him back_ _together_ , she suddenly realizes with an excited startle. _Put him back into what you want him to be, far different from what Butcher made him._

That is, if she survives this encounter. 

“What are you talking about?” Madelyn doesn’t try to change her natural reaction to the situation. Her shock and anger at Homelander’s reaction is appropriate. “What the fuck are you doing?!” 

“It’s in the sea,” Homelander says, not looking at her. He doesn’t seem like he can. His eyes are darting around, looking everywhere but at her. Like he can’t handle that simple human contact right now. 

Madelyn is going to have to call Vogelbaum. Rehabbing Homelander will be a difficult job that Mr. Edger will only trust him to do. 

“What’s in the sea, Homelander?” 

“Billy,” He says, and the word is uttered as if it’s _god_. “Billy and Ryan are in the sea.” 

She pushes herself off of the table and walks over to him, “What...what do you mean?” 

“The plane went down,” He says, with that same lost voice. “I couldn’t find-the bodies-burned-” 

“Fuck,” Madelyn mumbles, rubbing her eyes. He’s choking on his pain, the words getting stuck in his throat like barbed wire. She’s never seen him so...unhinged. 

She can die, right now. If Homelander wants to kill her at this very moment there will be nothing she can do to stop him. And she doesn’t think she can say or do anything to change his mind. All she can do is stand there and wait. Maybe if she believed in god she could pray. 

He keeps stalking around for a few moments, his body shaking with the furious energy he’s keeping in. Madelyn wants to scream in fear, she wants to run. But she's a deer in the headlight, she can’t move. 

Homelander turns to her, and he says, “You let him burrow the plane, didn’t you?” 

She nods. 

“So it’s your fault,” He sneers. “It’s your fault they’re dead.” 

“Hom-” She chokes up on the word as a hand goes around her throat. 

“You killed my family.” 

This is it, she’s going to die, this is how she goes, at the whim of an overgrown toddler- 

“Homelander, let her go.” 

Homelander shakes his head, but his fingers don’t clench to break her neck as Mr. Edger walks into the room. He looks around the destroyed place with mild disgust in his eyes, as cool and calm as he always is. 

“She killed my family-” 

“Your husband and son died in a freak accident that is no one’s fault,” Mr. Edger brushes his suit absentmindly as he walks over the glass. “Miss. Stillwell had nothing to do with it.” 

“Then whose fault is it?” Homelander demands.

 _He's a child_ , Madelyn thinks. Without Butcher, he’s nothing but a child. She’d been trying, before Butcher came, to make herself his lover-but maybe she’d gotten it wrong. He’d never wanted anyone other than Butcher as his lover. She can’t try and understand what it was about Butcher, and recreate it in herself. Butcher was an anomaly, a one-of-a-kind situation. There was nothing logical about Homelander’s choice of him, nothing that can be understood. It was entirely instinctual. She can’t make herself into a lover he would accept. He doesn’t want a lover. 

But a mother...that she can be for him. A mother he can fuck. 

“It’s no one’s fault, now stop being a child and accept that,” Edger walks over, and Homelander almost flinches backwards. He’s scared of Edger-she's almost forgotten about that. “Let Madelyn go.” 

He does. Shockingly, he does. Throws her on the floor and turns to walks away. 

“He’s going to be dangerous, now,” Edger says quietly, sighing the sigh of an overworked man. “More vicious, less careful in hiding what he does. You’re going to have to take up the slack on that. Make sure nothing he does comes out.” 

Wonderful, a new job. As if she isn’t overworked enough. 

That starts two hours later, when the headquarters of the company that makes Vought’s planes gets burned down to the ground. 

* 

They don’t go on a plane. Instead, they switch cars and then just keep driving and driving for hours. Ryan gets really bored but Papa says, “Hush, Ry, we need to keep real quiet now”, and he says it with a Serious Look, and Ryan knows that the Serious Look means you need to do what Papa says because it’s Very Serious. 

He falls asleep, he thinks, because one moment there are buildings and the next-bam! There are only trees and trees. Papa looks at him when he wakes up, and Papa looks sad and that’s not good. 

“You all right there, ducklin’?” 

Ryan rubs his eyes, “Can we not be real-real quiet now?” 

Papa smiles, and his hand goes back to rub Ryan’s head, “Aye. You can be as loud as a bee if you want.” 

Ryan wrinkles his nose, “Bees aren’t that loud.” 

“Ever had one buzz in your ear?” 

Chewing his lip, Ryan thinks about that for a moment and then has to admit that Papa is right. 

“All right,” He agrees as Papa takes a turn and brings the car up to a long winding road. “Where are we going, where is Daddy?” 

Papa’s hand tighten on the wheel as the car comes to a stop in front of a brown house that looks nice. 

“Did I fall asleep and we flew?” Ryan asks in wonder. “Is this England?” 

“No, sweetheart,” Papa tells him, and he sounds sad-sad. Ryan’s going to give him a very big hug as soon as he’s let out of his car seat. “This is still America.” 

“Are we not flying?” Ryan asks, and Papa opens his car door so he gives him that hug. Papa hugs him back. Papa is a good hugger. His hug protects from alllll the kinds of monsters. The ones under your bed and Daddy’s that run around in his head. 

“No.” 

“But you said we were!” Ryan protests, and kicks Papa hard. He feels like he’s about to cry and he doesn't want to because he’s a big boy, he’s bigger than his best friend Anne by a _whole month_. Maybe she’s allowed to cry, but not him anymore. “That’s not fair!” 

“I know,” Papa puts him down and gets on his knees, so now he’s only just a bit taller than Ryan. Daddy says one day Ryan will be taller than him and Papa, or at least just as tall. Ryan can’t _wait_. “But we can’t. We need to...go on a mission.” 

Ryan chews his lip again, “A mission like Daddy’s?” 

Daddy goes on missions sometimes, to save people, and he and Papa watch him on the TV. Papa used to go on missions, but now he works from the computer-he finds bad people that way. 

Papa smiles again, but his smile is so sad. 

“Just like Daddy’s. For this mission.... we need to protect me and you, aye?” 

“From who? Who's the bad guy? Daddy can defeat him, and then we can go back home and to England.” 

“No, Ryan,” Papa shakes his head. “We can’t. The bad guy, it’s Daddy-it's Daddy’s mate.” 

“Daddy’s mate wants to hurt us?” 

“Not us,” Papa says. “Never us. But other people, and I need to stop him...stop his mate.” 

“Daddy can help you, though, Daddy is stronger than everyone,” Ryan says. “Remember? He always keeps us safe, that’s his _j_ _o_ _b_.” 

“Strength ain’t everythin’, Ry,” Papa says. “He won’t help us here. He loves his mate, he ain’t gonna let him go.” 

“Yes he will!” Ryan is angry now, because Papa isn’t making any sense! If someone is mean then Daddy will protect them, that’s what Daddy does! “Just call him, he will!” 

“I can’t,” Papa says urgently. He sounds so worried Ryan hates it, he hates him right now! He wants Daddy, he wants Papa to stop acting so strange. Daddy will know what’s wrong, Daddy will make Papa ok again. “We can’t call him. Just this once, ducklin’, Daddy ain’t gonna help us. It’s just got to be me and you...and Mummy.” 

Ryan’s hand goes down to the medallion on this neck, the one that Mommy gave Papa before they got married. Papa gave it to him on his last birthday, when he turned four, he said he was big enough to have it now. Papa trusted Ryan to take care of it because Ryan was a big boy. 

Grandma and Auntie Rachel miss Mommy a lot, and tell Ryan about her. But he likes the most when Papa tells him about her, because he’s calm and not so sad when he does. Papa talks about his Mommy. He likes saying things like, _she used to do this, one time we went there_. Auntie Rachel and Grandma like to talk about things like, _she would have loved you, if only she had lived_. That just makes Ryan sadder, somehow. 

“But I want Daddy too,” Ryan tells Papa. That seems like something Papa would already know, why does he need to tell him? 

He does, because he gets all sad and hugs Ryan hard, “I know, I want Daddy as well.” 

* 

Grace waits until after eleven to go to Butcher’s new place, to be sure that the child is asleep when she gets there. She doesn't know how Butcher will handle this situation with his son, but she’s sure that having a strange woman he doesn’t know in his new house won’t exactly help the boy feel more comfortable. 

She had considered not going to see Butcher at all, at least not for the first few days. But he’s a CIA agent, just as she is, and his family...business, doesn't interfere with his job. And she needs his help, all the inside information he must be able to give her about the Seven. 

She's going to need it now that Lamplighter- 

Grace shakes her head, not willing to think about Lamplighter, and knocks on the front door. While she waits to Butcher to open, she takes a look around the house. It's a cabin, really, with brown wood walls in the middle of a forest. It took her nearly two hours to drive here from New York. The nearest town with a kindergarten and school for Ryan is almost an hour drive’s away, which is not ideal. 

But it’s secluded, and so safe. The chances of Homelander randomly coming across this place are basically non-existent. Of course, it would be safer for Butcher to run much, much further from New York. But then he wouldn’t be able to help with destroying his husband if he’s too far away. 

Grace can appreciate his commitment. 

The door opens, and there he is. Butcher is barefoot, dressed in a pair of battered jeans and a wife-beater. There are circles under his eyes and desperation in them. 

“Mallory,” Butcher sighs and moves to the side, letting her in. “Keep quiet, Ryan’s sleeping.” 

Grace nods as she walks into the living room. Ryan is sleeping on the sofa, curled around a Homelander plushie, his long hair falling on his face. 

“Homelander plushie,” Mallory nods to the toy, turning to Butcher as he closes the door behind them. 

Butcher smiles bitterly, “He’s his Daddy. What do you want?” 

No small talk, then. She can work with that. 

“I want to know what you can tell us, that will help us take Vought down,” Mallory replies, sitting down on the little dining table. Butcher hesitates for a moment, and then joins her. “And what you’re willing to do to help us.” 

Butcher joins her, “I’ll tell you everythin’ I know. As for what I can do-you know what I can do, or you wouldn’t have called in on me, no?” 

Grace considers lying for a moment, saying that the only reason she came to Butcher was to help keep him and the boy safe. That was part of it, of course, but she can tell Butcher wouldn’t appreciate her pretending it was the only thing. 

“I know that you were one of MI6’s best agents, and they were very, very sad to see you go. I know that you are currently the _CIA_ ’s best agent. I know that you have a reputation of being able to solve cases that others consider unsolvable, that since the death of your wife you’ve moved to only working cybercrime, where you’ve garnered yourself the same reputation. I know that you will be able to hack into places that none of my Boys would be able to. I know that you will be very valuable to me and my mission.” 

“I ain’t gonna be no field agent, aye? That ain’t fair to Ry, he needs me here. But you’re right, I can work from the computers.” 

“And you will?” 

“And I will,” Butcher grins, and places his hands on the table. “Shall we begin?” 


End file.
